even in heartbreak

a while back, we were notified that there was a biological sibling of one of our boys in foster care. they were with a family who wanted to adopt them, but there were concerns that the current family was not safe and not a good placement for the child.
would we be interested in the child joining our family?

after prayer, we said yes.

we waited.

the judge decided that the child should stay with their current family.

now there's a lot more to this story. --reasons the judge may have decided this, is the decision the right one (according to the different people involved), concerns regarding the current family, how the state does things, or what kind of supervision exists to protect kids in situations like this.
it's kinda a hot mess. and we don't know much but we know enough to be frustrated, tired, and grieved by the whole thing. it's complex and hard to explain it all here, not that i could even if i had the words, since it all has to be quite anonymous.

i always wonder how much to share on this blog. i probably only have a handful of readers, so the impact is pretty minimal. and i enjoy being encouraging, so i try not to blog too much about the discouragements of life since the internet is full of places you could find things like that and i truly do believe we have hope in Jesus and can find great comfort when we look to Him instead of focusing on our circumstances.

but i wanted to share this because i want you to know (in case you might wonder or have forgotten) that the Lord absolutely IS sovereign. it's not a platitude i say to myself and others to appease the fears and frustrations and failures we all deal with. it's the truth. He is sovereign. He is so very faithful. we can trust in Him in the seemingly easy things and the really hard things too. He is constant.

i keep humming this tune that aaron shust sings:
"my hope is in You, Lord, all the day long. i won't be shaken by drought or storm. the peace that passes understanding is my song and i sing 'my hope is in You alone...' i will wait on You, You are my refuge."
--the song has more to it, but that's the part i've been clinging to.

He is our comfort when the world does not make sense. it can be easy to get mad at God when outcomes seem awful or dangerous or hard, but in times like that, He's able to care for us and teach us and comfort us. He loves us. when life is broken and we feel futile, He is the only thing that makes sense.

our God is able to care for the child that did not become ours.
our God is able to heal our hearts and give us peace, even in the things we cannot know and might not ever know, like how the child is doing and if they're really safe with their current family.
our God is faithful, tender, true. we can take all our fears and frustrations and failures to Him and fall down at His feet.
and He will lift us up.