so God has been stretching me lately. and i've gotta say, i'm not very good at it.
and i'm pretty stubborn.
but i am thankful He is not done with me yet.
He loves me as i am, and loves me too much to leave me this way.
i think the hubs laughs at me a bit on the inside when i tell him all the things i'm learning from reading blogs. at times it seems like God is trying to teach me something from every angle... everything i read in my quiet time, on blogs, listen to from my friends, etc all point to the same thing. the Lord probably needs to do this with me because i'm a bit dense.
lately we've been dealing a lot with behavior issues with the boys. and it's been pretty discouraging. i say the same thing 50 times a day with no improvement whatsoever. and i want to give up.
and i lose my temper and i say things that are not kind and it's just all-around a bad situation. i feel that i'm constantly reacting to whatever is going on around me instead of dwelling in the peace of God and gently handling anything that comes our way...because...well... i'm stubborn and impatient and do things on my own...and you know how that works out.
SO...God, in His awesomeness, has been pointing out some things to me.
--about abiding in Him, not leaving His side, depending on Him for every moment of the day. and these things have been pointed out in all sorts of different venues. --two of them being on the blogs grace full mama and the nato's. you should read these. both super encouraging.
while very different, both were pointing to seeking God for help and not trying to do it on my own.
i've been praying for God's help, for me to persevere as we deal with behavior after behavior, that God would show me my own sin and help me to quickly repent of it, that i would cling to Him in the moments where all seems lost. --because as moms, don't we have those in abundance? my gracious. seems like around here that happens about every 30 minutes.
"he's looking at me funny"
"he stole my underwear"
"he called me mr. poopy again"
and i've been singing this song in my head to help in the moments where i would normally just quickly deal with behavior in a way that "looks" better but isn't actually dealing with the heart issue of it, and i've found that taking a beat to sing it to myself or out loud helps me calm down before simply reacting to the chaos all around me.
the song goes a little something like this:
i need Thee, oh i need Thee
every hour i need Thee
oh, bless me now, my Savior
i come to Thee
and my favorite verse is:
i need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh
--there is a little part of me that thinks my children will start to think i'm crazy, when every time a challenge occurs i start singing. "uh-oh, mom's singing again. quick, hide. she's got those crazy eyes again, man. don't tick her off." but i digress.
so as i seek God's help in growing me to be a more patient, calmly responding mother to my lovely but wild boys and their punching, kicking, name calling, delayed obedience, and all the various other things we deal with on a daily basis, i am realizing a bit more just how much i need God all the time. not just in the chaos, not just when things are calm. but abiding in Him each moment and trying not to depart from Him to handle something on my own, because i am weak and i fail.
He can strengthen us
He can grow us
He can carry us through the hard things
He is faithful
may we abide in Him and experience the richness of dwelling in His presence.
i'm linking up with titus 2sday.
go visit to see great blogs about mothering, faith, and family.
*the pic at the top is of my mom's cinnamon bread. it's phenomenal. don't be jealous.