missed it

a month before asher came to be part of our family, he was in the hospital again with a serious illness. on Christmas day, about 3 weeks before we even knew he existed, the hospital called CPS and let them know that he wouldn't make it through the day.

across town his biological half-brother would be spending Christmas in the shelter with lots and lots of other children and no parents. he would not get to be woken up on Christmas morning with kisses and hugs or run into our room and yell, "wake up wake up wake up!" 

our boys spent 3 months away from any family of any kind.

things like that make me grieve as a momma. 

i wasn't there. i didn't get to hold asher and tell him everything was going to be alright. i didn't get to cuddle with him in his hospital crib and kiss his forehead.  --although there would be more opportunities for that on the long road to health. i didn't get to sing "bumblebee tuna" to him to calm him down, which we would find out later would be his favorite song. 

i didn't get to watch judah as he unwrapped presents and got all wide-eyed with excitement and wonder. i didn't get to see him run around in Christmas pajamas and eat too much candy. 

i missed it. 

and it wasn't my choice to miss it. it would be three weeks before our agency would call us and say they had two more boys for us. two beautiful, amazing, strong boys.

first steps, first words, first birthdays, almost all the firsts of our children, i will never know.
but i know God knew what He was doing. He has perfect timing that our eyes cannot see. and sometimes i think He waited until after the hospitalization because He knew how hard it would have been to have 3 boys under 3 and 1 more in the hospital for a month, intubated, dying. sometimes i think that God used that time for others to come alongside our children before they were in our arms to care for and nurture them in ways that both our boys and those people needed. i'm certain there are many, many blessings that came out of that situation that i may never know about.

but you know what comforts me when i grieve the missed moments of my children's lives?
--they were not alone. i might not have been holding them, kissing them, singing to them, praying with them, but God was always with them. we say it everyday. we pray for them to remember it everyday. God is always with them, they are never alone. i know that my God comforts those who are lonely, heals those who are sick, cares for the orphan. i rejoice in who He is. He is our Great and Holy Father. and He never leaves His child's side.

--and as His child, and as a momma, i am so very thankful to Him for that. 

Jesus and trees. together.

judah is our little theologian. i thought i'd share some of his insights.

"if you make bad choices, Jesus puts you in a tree."

um...really? where would YOU go with this one?

*note to readers: Jesus has never been known to put anyone in a tree for making bad choices. 

the wee ones: then and now

after going through my pictures on my phone yesterday (over 800, btw) i decided to do a then and now with the kiddos. --since everyone thinks they're so cute and all. ;)

asher:blessed

this picture was taken when asher was 9 months old. when he laughed, he would wheeze. he was the fussiest little sick kid you ever did see. 

they released him from the hospital (after a 1 month stay) to me with 4 days' notice that we were getting him and his half brother. they gave him to me with no medication. and we were back in the ER within 2 days. after multiple trips to the ER and several hospital stays, we started seeing improvement. it was so rough. that might be an understatement. it was treacherous. but God is faithful.

now, he's a scrawny little 3 year old who likes to wear daddy's socks and who won't grow but is incredibly active. don't freak out. he's on high calorie drinks to help and we see a specialist. i promise we feed him. --all the stinkin' time.

in addition to being small and active, he's pretty stubborn.--he comes by it honestly, though. his dad sure is a stubborn guy. me? i'm not stubborn. i'm amazing. 

and humble.

 elijah:the Lord is my salvation

when we got elijah he was severely malnourished, 13 months old, couldn't crawl for more than 30 seconds because he'd get too tired, and looked sad all the time. this picture was taken about 9 months after we got him. he bulked up real nice, didn't he? now he's quite the tender-hearted little man. 

you'll have to wait for the "now" pic because it's with judah and it's later. hold your horses.

judah:praise

for the first several weeks of having judah (at 21 months) the only word he said was "no." i'm not kidding. it's ok, you can laugh. but then i'll punch you. seriously. weeks. no. no. no. no.

want a sandwich? no.

want to go outside? no.

want a million dollars? no.

how 'bout a horsie? no.

no. no. no. no.

BUT!!!!!

slowly he revealed his true colors. after being in a shelter for months, he had learned to fight to get what he wanted and be independent (not the good kind.) so as we cared more and more for his daily needs and showed him consistent love and affection, he let us see the real him. --a sweet boy who lights up when you compliment him or put him in charge of an activity. he is eager to help and is such a snuggler. and just look at 'em now, folks! cute brothers. one of which needs a haircut badly, but hey, one thing at a time, people.

gabe:strong man of God

 this photo was taken at the state fair of texas when gabe was 4 years old. isn't this little booger cute?

when we got gabe he was 2 years old and was a pretty dang obedient and easy-going kid. he had been with amazing, wonderful, loving foster parents for just under a year, so you could see that he had been tended to and loved in a mighty way. 

 now he's grown so much he can't even fit in a laundry basket! which apparently is a normal place for the young kids to hang out these days.

he's finished with kindergarten, smarter than me (so he thinks. he may be right.), and has trouble with verb tenses (are we the only ones saying, "ran, not runned" twenty-five times a day?)

i show you all this not so you'll be like, "dang. fostering and adopting is easy. she said it's rough but when the story is condensed to a "then and now" post, it just looks so simple. we should do this so i can put a "then and now" post on my blog with our future cute kids on it." or "this family is amazing. i hear angels sing when i look at them. i could never do anything like this. especially four boys. they are smelly. and they like bugs. i don't like bugs." --whoa, people! focus, please! 

i show you all this so you'll be like, "dang! we serve an amazing God who has a plan. look how He's working in that family."

i assure you we are not special or amazing. and i'm pretty sure angels don't sing when people look at us, although that would be pretty cool, or maybe annoying. 

we know Who is in charge, and we are constantly amazed by what He's doing and how He does it.

when we step out of our comfort zone to do the things we can't do on our own, we get a chance to see how He works. and He comes through. every single time.

gotcha party!

(my superheroes)


we had our gotcha party this weekend and man was it fun. i'm tellin' yah...if you put a bouncy house outside... you need NO adult supervision for all the kids. it's like a big, fat, poofy babysitter... that you can JUMP on!! amazing! ;)

as part of the party you were supposed to dress up like your favorite superhero or make one up of your own. the kids and adults had fun dressing up. people are pretty creative.

("i'm VECTOR! i'm committing crime with both direction...and magnitude. oh yeah!")
leanna came as a supervillain because how can you have heroes without villains?
if you haven't ever seen despicable me, get on it. it's pretty darn cute.
PS: leanna DYED this track suit herself AND made this squid/piranha gun herself as well. handy dandy, huh?

(my sister: a medieval superhero princess lady. she's trying to look mean...grrr)

(judah and elijah. look at their big muscles!)

(picture quality here is not great, but 2 of my sons hugging? how could i resist?)

(trust me, you won't like him when he's angry. asher was the incredible hulk. he kept this hat/mask thing on for about...5 seconds)

(don't be jealous. not everyone can be married to batman)

i was supermom. i have no picture, but just picture me in an apron with an "M" on it.

we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate copious amounts of cake. we gave away action figures and superhero silly bands as favors.

we had a great time and are so blessed to have friends and family who will celebrate with us!
we are even MORE blessed to be done with fostering for the time being. hip hip hooray! :0)

verdict is in

alright ladies and gentlemen...the verdict is in.

z-diddy and colalicious' parents relinquished their rights last week and confirmed it yesterday.
this means they gave up their rights. --probably because CPS discussed with them that if they had their rights terminated by the court instead of relinquishing, it would give them trouble if they ever had more children.

so that's that. now we wait 90 days for extended family to come forward and after that, adoption time.

we are set for elijah's adoption on october 22. big big day!

so all is well here. we are excited for all the kiddos to be ours. we are kinda attached. ;) we love them a lot.

thanks for the prayers!

z-diddy's top 10

i asked the hubs if he wouldn't mind me taking a pic of one of our foster kiddo's ears or feet or cute smile (without the whole face) and paying tribute to them on this here blog.

he said he didn't really feel comfy with that, since we're not supposed to post their pics online.
--rule follower. and i respect that. especially when the hubs is so cute! -who can argue with that face?!

but nevertheless i figure i should take the time to tell you a little about each kiddo in our home, and since i just did a gotcha day post on gabe, i'll do the next kiddo in line...

our eldest-newest foster son, let's call him z-diddy.

z-diddy is a special little man. one with many unique qualities, most of them delightful, some not so much. let's do a top 10, shall we?

1. z-diddy looks like a chimpanzee baby when he's wet in the bathtub with his hair all crazy. a-dorable!
2. z-diddy likes to be rough even when others around him do not.
3. z-diddy loves cuddling and ANY form of touch where he is RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
4. z-diddy is GREAT at cleaning up toys once he gets started.
5. z-diddy has some sensory issues that we are currently working through and even though we have a long way to go, he has made lots of progress! go big boy!
6. z-diddy can answer questions from our discipleship time like, "who made you" --"God"; "why did God make you?" --"for His own glory"; and "where is God?" --"everywhere!"
7. z-diddy is gabe's partner in crime. they do EVERYTHING together. it usually involves getting into trouble, but they grin pretty cute while it's happening.
8. z-diddy can now get himself dressed with little-to-no help from us. independent little guy.
9. z-diddy spills a drink all over our table at least once a day, but always acts as if it's a shocker. the real shocker is why we don't just make him use a sippy any chance we get. ;)
10. z-diddy puts on daddy's shoes and walks around the house waving goodbye and telling me he's off to church or work. pretty darn cute, if you ask me.

so there you go. our little guy has changed a lot over the last 8 months that he's been in our house. we are very proud of him and can't wait to see what his future holds. (hopefully with us...pray hard.)