yesterday was not this way. after a fiasco at the pool, i talked to my mom. and by "talked" i actually mean i wept. a bit.
i think one of the things i said was, "why does it feel like i'm the only one working here?" all day long, alone with four boys, i feel like i'm the only one working to improve, grow, and change.
--i'm not talking in reference to the hubs. he's awesome. and good looking. total package.
i'm talking about the kids who don't seem to be applying anything i tell them so i have to repeat myself. all. day. long.
in the midst of the crazy, it's hard to have an eternal perspective of, "oh, what a glorious day. my children are being disobedient again. i shall handle this situation with grace and poise because God deals with me lovingly when i am disobedient." and then birds sing and mice run about helping with chores. i need me some of them mice.
does God have hair? and if He does, is He tempted to pull it out when i frustrate the poo out of Him?
all this chaos and yelling yesterday with the boys resulted in me thinking about what a sunday school classmate said about the parenting book we're studying. she said that we think parenting is about teaching our kids how to grow up to be godly people. but really it's more about a sanctification process for us, and the kids just get to benefit from our experience.
that kinda sucks sometimes.
it's true and can be awesome.
but it still can suck.
you can't give children something you don't have. patience, compassion, wisdom, you name it. so i have to be filled up by God to give them anything worthwhile. unfortunately my selfish desires get in the way. alas, i didn't get robot children who do what i say when i say it. i have children who like to figure out why i want them to do things and how to push my buttons. i guess that's a special version of "applying themselves." way to go, kids. you make mommy proud.
so every few
eternal perspective. hard core. and just plain hard.