Tuesday, July 14, 2009
really this is just a wee rant regarding people's ignorance. you really can't hold it against them. i wish i could. i hope it's not just a complaining session but by reading this, you'll gain a little insight into our lives.
after being an adoptive parent for over a year now, i'm a bit exhausted from being the token adoptive mother in people's lives. the first comment that cut like a knife was from a family member of ours who said to my husband, "what's wrong with marge that she can't have kids of her own?" offensive much? there are like 6 things wrong with that sentence. so from that, we'll cover all the offensive things you might be able to say to an adoptive parent. --and why those comments make me want to punch people in the face.
here's what's offensive to me: when people say "you can't have children of your own?" --THAT is offensive. first of all: children who happen to be adopted ARE, in fact, our own. they are chosen. adoptive parents do not segregate adoptive versus biological children. second of all, the ability to birth biological children is a bit of a personal question, don't you think?? complete strangers have asked me this, and all i can say is TACT. i mean, we probably could have bio children, but does that matter? does that make it less amazing if we couldn't have bio kids. does it make it more amazing if we could and chose not to?
when people say "i want to have a few of my own, and then adopt, " it implies that adoption is a second choice. granted, adoption is harder and so it often isn't considered until other options that might be "easier" have been pursued. so many children need homes and adoption is such a difficult process that often costs so much (monetary and otherwise). adoption has to be intentional because it is such a bureacratic situation. and just a side note: adoption thru the state of texas is free. no lawyer fees. awesome.
last but not least, a lot of people (i think) feel guilty when we talk of adopting. i don't know why. it's a personal choice and i have no business telling others what to do with their families. but when it comes time for that part of the conversation, they always say "i couldn't do that. it's too hard. i couldn't handle them leaving," --to which i say, "their need for a family and our ability to help is more important than our need to be comfortable." God speaks on many, many occassions in the Bible about caring for the orphans and widows. a lot of christians believe that abortion is wrong, and a lot of christians say that homosexuals should not have the ability to adopt. while my feelings on these matters are irrelevant, i will address those people: if you say that homosexuals can't adopt and you don't want mothers to have abortions, who does that leave to take care of these precious gifts? YOU.
every child deserves a mommy and daddy who say i love you and every child deserves someone who'll tuck them into bed at night or kiss their boo boos, or cheer for them at soccer games. maybe it could be you.