in utter defiance

lack of follow-thru? maybe.

2012-01-26T18:09:00.000-08:00

i've been thinking about all the goals i set. educational ones for the kids, fitness ones for me, all sorts of lovely deadlines and rules. and i put it on here for all to see. and then what happens? i don't follow through and then i never update you because i don't want to see in black and white print that i don't meet goals or follow through with awesome plans.
so i thought i'd take a moment and update you...0n the plans i can actually remember making.
project 31:17
remember that one? the fitness goals? making healthier choices and getting more fit? if buying a box of russell stover's chocolates for myself and eating 85% of them in one day is a success, then i deserve a trophy. i totally fell off the wagon after the hubs got home from india this summer and have not looked back. sorry. i love dr. pepper and chocolate and relaxation more than smaller jeans and less flabby arms. (nice mental picture, huh)
educational stuff and chores for kids
remember that schedule i made for educational things to do with the kids? i actually still use it. not every day, but on slower days we sit down and do whatever is on the list. and the chore chart? we still use that, too. we've even started getting the kids to help set the table at night and they like it! victory!
so if you evaluate this closely, you'll see that two goals have gone well and one has gone poorly. i'd say that's a raging success! but i'll still refrain from writing self-help books and blogs about how to get more organized. don't you worry.

and to follow up on the gabe gabs segment:
earlier this year, after a horrible night of restless children and poor sleep, i got myself out of bed because i'm awesome and woke up my child to get ready for school. he whined, he complained, he grunted, and then he said, "mom, i'm tired," and i said, "well honey i'm tired too, but it's time to get up," and then he said, "mom, you're not as tired as i am." --he is lucky i didn't kick him. but i love him, so i will keep my feet to myself. that, and he was on the top bunk, and my high-kick isn't as good as it used to be.
**disclaimer: i don't kick children.

sickies

2012-01-22T19:07:00.000-08:00

you may have noticed that i have changed my blogging name. my northern irish friends used to call me maggie may (one also called me ducky, but that's not quite the image i'm going for). i told my friend leanna i couldn't just change my blogging name after 2 years of blogging and she said, "sure you can!" -so here's to being a rebel. i always wanted to be irish. truth be told, i go by margaret...and i've NEVER ever had a nickname. i always wanted one. but none ever stuck. my dad was a firm believer in calling a kid what their name was, and i wasn't one to argue. i started blogging under the name marge as a joke. i always hated that nickname and thought it'd be amusing. but it's time for a change. so here we go. the rantings and ravings of maggie may. bring it.

we are sick again. i'm doing ok. but 3 of the 4 kids have ear infections. antibiotics all around, people.

we have planned our summer...that is, if we stay healthy. and i'm not gonna lie, i'm pretty excited about it. a family trip, a day out with extended family, a girl's weekend, and a trip with my kids, sis, and mom to visit my brother's family in kentucky. you might say to yourself, "who plans their summer in january?" --a mom who's stuck in a house full of sick kids for months at a time, that's who.

take your echinacea, your vitamin c, and wash your hands, people. it's a war zone out there.

women of prayer

2012-01-18T10:54:00.001-08:00

so today a friend shared a link on her facebook page. it was to this beautiful blog that is artistically crafted with imagery and i enjoyed it so much i thought i'd share. it talks about making your home a house of prayer. i realize over and over again that i am lazy in the area of prayer. i want to seize my role as a woman of prayer who diligently seeks God's wisdom and who prays for God's will to be accomplished in the lives of my loved ones. awhile back, someone told me about a great idea they had done for their husband. they took 31 godly traits (1 for each day of the month) that they loved about their husband and wrote them down with the Bible verse alongside it. they not only gave it to their husband but also prayed over the trait of the day each day. i copy good ideas, so i did that for my husband for our 6th anniversary. i love that i can support and encourage my husband through prayer. that same someone gave me a booklet when we got gabriel called "praying for the next generation" by sally michael. i just found it today while i was unpacking boxes (yep, lived here 1o months and still not unpacked). after reading the blog from today and then unpacking that box, where i also found my 1938 copy of the cokesbury hymnal, i thought i'd follow through with a bit of what i'd read on the blog. i set up a small area in my living room to be a place where my family can come together and read the Word of God and praise Him and pray for one another and our community. although i usually start things off with a bang and then fizzle out after a short while, i am prayerfully hoping that i can be a consistent prayer warrior for my family and friends. please visit the blog and share with me ideas you've used to disciple your children, pray for them or your spouse, or how you do family worship time. may God use us as instruments of influence in the lives of our families and those around us.

2012-01-15T17:05:00.000-08:00

you know all those beautiful pictures online of lovely rooms that go together wonderfully? those are staged. surprised? --so these pictures are real and not staged and therefore not picture perfect. enjoy! a few rooms in our house are finished. it's pretty thrilling. here's asher's room. the painting is one of the ones by my friend stephanie cherry mentioned a few posts ago.
this is his play corner. i need to find something to hang on this wall, but that'll wait awhile.

these pictures are from an old book of my cousin's. i framed them and now we have a transportation room for him!

asher's bed

--so we've painted. and by "we" i mean we hired a guy because can you imagine us doing it ourselves... four boys covered in paint and carrying it all through the house? above is elijah's room. it's green (haven) and tan (softer tan). i love it. his was the first room that was finished.

the colors are darker in person.

these are the new plates i bought at pier one and love with all my heart. my friend merrick gave me the plate racks. the mirror is from kirklands. our dining room is now finished except for curtains.

this is our new tablecloth. one wall in our kitchen is deep blue. this tablecloth brings it out beautifully.

i bought these pillows last week and they are so comfortable to lounge on. again, blue.

and although i don't have pictures yet, my parents brought me my grandmother's antique sewing machine and a friend gave me the antique wardrobe but we still need to put it together. so stay tuned for that.

i am finally feeling that it's cozy here. come
on over and i'll make some cookies. mmm.

halleluyer, it's done!

2012-01-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

today was a big day. our house painting...done! bam! take that!

the whole house now looks warm and inviting and wonderful instead of like a white, dull, blank slate where every fingerprint shows up.

the pic above also includes my beautiful teapot that i bought for $2.50. it's lovely. and i don't drink tea, so it's like glasses that make people look cool and intelligent even though they see just fine. poser.

so to commemorate the end of this long project of painting, we had fajitas and sang together at the table. oh yeah, that's how we roll. our family of 6 sits around the table and jams out to pink, ben folds, tom petty, you name it. and the best part? asher has started doing the robot. what goes better with a painted house, fajitas, and tom petty? the robot.

i'm gonna start charging lessons for coolness. --because if there's one thing my kiddos are, it's cool. send your kids to me and for 10$ they'll come back super cool. and gangsta. can't go wrong with cool and gangsta.

i'm here to help. you're welcome.

2012-01-07T12:53:00.001-08:00

my friends, the cherry family, are working to refurbish a very old house. they call it gomer's house and it's already being used to minister to the community as well as anyone around who needs a safe, encouraging, restful place. you can read more about the cherry family and their adventures here. stephanie decided to start selling some paintings for $20 each to raise money for gomer's house. you can custom order them to be whatever color and say whatever text you like. the one above is judah's. i really dig the lion. judah is a lion of a kid. see, i had this idea. each of our children's names mean something. gabriel:strong man of God, judah: praise, elijah: the Lord is my salvation, asher: blessed/happy. we prayed these things over our boys.-- that they would be strong men of God who praise Him, recognize that true and lasting salvation only come from Him, and know they are blessed to be one of His children. so why not order a painting for each child that uses a verse that reflects what their name means? i gotta say...i LOVE the paintings with all my heart. they are exactly what i wanted.

the painting below is mine. my friend ordered it for me for Christmas. don't you love it? i love the idea of scripture hanging all over my home. and i love helping to support my friends in their ministry! so go ahead, look at her website, and order a painting if you like! i think she's sold about 700 in 6 weeks. yep. she's a pretty big deal. get one before she gets famous and they start costing thousands of dollars ;)

keep moving forward

2011-12-31T18:52:00.000-08:00

here's the pictures that SHOULD have gone on our Christmas card, but i never got around to making them. enjoy!
i just finished writing this post. read it, read it to the hubs, and decided to scrap
it. this year has kinda sucked. i'm not gonna candy-coat it for yah, people. you can handle the truth. but i decided instead of writing out the good, the bad, and the ugly about 2011, i can focus on the good things about 2011 and the things i'm looking forward to in 2012.

top 5 most wonderful, brilliant, flippin' fantastic things of 2011:

1. we adopted judah and asher, otherwise known as judy-booty and asher basher. they will hate these nicknames in years to come.

2. the hubs made it back safely from india. whew!

3. we sold our home! praise God!

4. we bought a new home, hooray!

5. we met ALL our neighbors on our new street and have had a great time building relationships
with them!

--see the exclamation points?! see?! upbeat!!

exciting things to look forward to in 2012:

1.settling into our new home a bit more, which includes but is not limited to: curtains, plate hangers, vintage books, old sewing machines, a free wardrobe (yep, FREE!) and much, much more! --all this is being typed as the hubs huddles in a corner and rocks himself. he'll be ok.

2. joining a new church. we have found one we really like and are excited to spend more time there and possibly join.

3. since the hubs has worked so hard this past year, we are planning some family trips to get away. we have not had a vacation in a long, long time, so this is exciting! rest is good.

4. reading a book my friend suggested to me about raising boys to be godly men. it's a pretty tall order to fill: raising boys who will grow to be strong spiritual leaders of their families and communities. can't wait to read it!

5. having no real resolutions whatsoever. i always say if you fail to plan, you plan to fail, but in this case, it's pretty freeing. if it gets done, it gets done. if not, it'll be there tomorrow. --a wise woman taught me that. thanks, momma.

hope all of you have had a wonderful holiday season! may you be encouraged this year in your relationship with Christ. may you remember in the easy times and the hard that God loves you with an everlasting love, desires for you to know Him more, and has promised to never leave you.

happy new year, friends!

clucking away

2011-12-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

how 'bout all those Christmas posts, eh?! aren't you glad my computer is fixed so i can blog? i could use this moment to promise better, more frequent posting in 2012, but i'd probably be lying. i'm inconsistent. my bad.

tonight is Christmas eve...we'll be unwrapping presents, spending time with family, and eating more than any human should. good, good times.

last night the ladies of the family sat around chatting... and it was HILARIOUS!!!
stories that go like this, "i go poo a lot and my butt hurts." --i'll just let your imagination go where it may with that one. stories about kicking people in the face, where people say things like "--just stand REAL still or you'll mess me up!" stories about moms saying, "did anyone see you?! no? then just drive away!"

family time is good. good for bonding, sharing, and getting great material for blackmail.

Merry Christmas!

twinkle lights and sandwiches

2011-11-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

i have not blogged in FOR...EV...ER.

dang.

you see...the computer was broken or something, and the internet wasn't working. and every time i turned on the computer to blog and i saw that stupid multi-colored pinwheel, i seriously contemplated throwing our new, expensive, ridiculously large computer out of a two-story window.

but now it's fixed, so my homicidal computer thoughts are kept at bay.

and just in time, too, because i wouldn't want y'all to miss out on Christmas posts and whatnot.

we just held thanksgiving here at our new home and it went well. the only thing that could've made it better would be if more of our family could come. but rest assured, i've eaten enough turkey/cranberry sauce/dressing sandwiches for 5 or 6 people. breathe easy.

all the presents i've bought are wrapped. the tree is up. twinkle lights are everywhere. and i hope that having some of these things in place will make it so i can leisurely wander through this lovely season instead of rushing through it while sweating a lot.

the picture above is of our wee family on elijah's gotcha day celebration: year 1!

we celebrated the anniversary by going to chuck-e-cheese for approximately 34 minutes and then pleading with him to let us eat somewhere other than there. he gave in, God bless him.

enjoy the season!

mary poppins, a transvestite, and free range chicken

2011-10-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

this is amanda and stormy at the cove for lunch. we were college roommates a long, long time ago. and they survived. this is our first attempt at taking a great picture. fail.

last weekend we went to see mary poppins. it was amazing! i found myself saying, "wait. can they repeat that? how did they DO it?!"

second attempt at taking a great picture. again, fail. but apparently something got funnier.

after the show, we wanted to get some dessert and decided to go to Lulu's...a 24 hour diner with world famous chicken fried steak, a three POUND cinnamon roll, and really yummy pie. across from us sat a transvestite who was rockin' a tina turner wig. the food was delicious and the sound track was hilarious, being a mix of "man in the mirror" and celine dion songs.

the next day we went out and about and ended up eating at the cove, an interesting combination of washateria, car wash, and eatery. their food is all organic so i had the yummy free range chicken salad sandwich, which rocked my face off. yum! they also have cream soda that will knock your socks off.

finally. i'd like to say third time's a charm, but let's be honest. --i took 6 of these photos.

unified front

2011-09-27T10:38:00.001-07:00

i've been pondering lately. we've been studying ephesians with kay arthur (not really WITH her, just watching her and her big broaches and earrings and shoulder pads on video). and we're to the part where it's talking a lot about unity. it's talking about speaking the truth in love. it's talking about one body of Christ. and i have to tell you, i've been pretty fired up about it.

i might get on my soap box for a bit, so don't say you weren't warned. :) here it is:

i think we might be missing it. i think the church in america can easily get carried away with productions of beautiful lights and great music and never really teach truth. i think we can easily come together on sunday mornings, say hey how are yah, and go on with our week without much thought to sacrifice or loving others in good times and bad. i think it's much easier to make eye contact, smile, and never speak up about sin or struggles. and heaven forbid we talk to someone else about something we see them struggling with OUT OF LOVE. --or appreciate it when someone does that for us.

so here's my idea. here's my Christmas wish: i pray desperately and earnestly for truth to be spoken in love to our fellow brother or sister in Christ. to share with each other so honestly and openly that there is NO doubt in their mind that if the time ever arises where we have to say something that might be a bit painful, that they will know beyond a shadow of a doubt we love them and love (not our own agenda) is what's the driving force behind our accountability.

i desire a church that doesn't have padded seats or nice lighting because i personally struggle with it all looking like a production and not an authentic act of worship. (i'm sure others don't have the same issues i do. it's probably just me). i desire to give up things that i think would make me happy at this moment so that i can have resources to help provide for someone else who is in want. i desire to reach out to my community and love them and help them and meet needs and point it all to Jesus. i desire to see the body of believers discipled in such a way that they seek God on their own and are united together with others knowing the foundation of truth.

are you convicted of the same things? do you desire a more grass-roots type of worship? i'm just wondering if anyone else out there is a bit disenchanted with what we've been doing...and desiring something more. more God, less us. i think that's what i'm looking for.

"...being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." --Ephesians 4::3-6

the breeder's cup

2011-09-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

recently the hubs and i went up to my 10 year high school reunion. i sprained my ankle loading up the car to head out of town. that was fun. nothing accessorizes an outfit quite like a wheelchair and cast.

now i had a nice picture of the two of us looking pretty spruced up, but it's from my phone, so it'll all pixely. --that's not a word.

the food was delicious and we had a great time...correction...i had a great time. the hubs was a saint and never complained, but who likes going to meet someone else's friends for an hour or two knowing you won't see them again for another 10 years?

they handed out awards for people who had gotten the most degrees, been married the longest, come from the farthest away, etc.

we got an award, too. ready for the hilarity? we got the breeder's cup. yep. we have the most kids out of the people who were there. i tried to tell them we didn't breed any of them ourselves...we outsourced for that, but that still did not disqualify us ;)

so you are reading the post of a winner. a winner of the breeder's cup. it's okay to be jealous.

the plague

2011-09-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

what were the seven plagues again? locusts, gnats, frogs...

around here we've had our own plagues. it's been a bleak time here. i've had a very painful cyst (i know you wanted to know) that warranted 5...count them...5 trips to the doctor. and we still don't really know what it is or how to treat it. it's dying down now. the same day i went in for that initial visit, i found out i had strep.

then i sprained my ankle and had to have a cast and use crutches.

then i got strep again.

i think that's more like 4, but it felt like 7.

so now it's been over 2 weeks of me being medically ridiculous and unable to care for my children, and i am ready to be back to normal again.

praise God for my husband, mom, and friends who have helped out. i truly would NOT have been able to do anything without them. it was kind of bad timing that only a few months ago we moved to a new town where we didn't really know anyone and now i'm in need of help. but God provides!

so...since i try not to leave things on a negative note...here are the rich and wonderful blessings that occurred during this time of craziness:

1. spent extra time with my mom....and i love her

2. the boys got a few lessons in compassion. --still learning

3. i enjoyed a lovely dinner prepared by my beautiful neighbor because she wanted to help us out

4. i watched movies by myself this morning because the hubs had to work and we had to farm out the kids to great friends. thanks again, y'all.

5. my husband showed me once again that he is truly wonderful (never doubted it) last night when, after meeting my every need while i was sobbing and felt awful and was coughing so hard i thought i'd die, he laid next to me and said, "i'm here if you need anything else."

see? 5 blessings! and i'm sure there were much more that i can't think of. i encourage you to look at all the blessings you have been gifted with when it might be easier to look at the negative side of things. 4 illnesses, at least 5 blessings. God tenderly takes care of us. i'd say we've got it made, wouldn't you?

my day off

2011-09-06T18:30:00.000-07:00

proof for sissy that i DID in fact organize stuff ;) not great quality, but it'll do.

wahoo! look at me blogging more than once a month!

the hubs gave me a day off yesterday and relieved me of my motherly duties. it was wonderful. i had lunch with a great friend at a girly place, got a pedicure, and bought a pretty dress and belt.

i feel spoiled. it was so relaxing!

the picture above are my toes. my calves look freakishly large. i hope they are not this scary in real life to onlookers.

i forgot to pick a color, so i had my pedi guy pick it out. --this pink color you can see from space was his choice. i like it.

i also read gossipy magazines and enjoyed every minute of it.

now let's all put our feet up.

organization extravaganza!

2011-09-02T10:39:00.001-07:00

i'm a firm believer that if you put the word 'extravaganza' at the end of something, it makes it downright exciting. flu EXTRAVAGANZA! or fatigue EXTRAVAGANZA! see? gives it a little extra something, doesn't it?

i've been on an organizing kick lately. Organization EXTRAVAGANZA! (in my head, you yell it.) and what i mean by "organize" is that sometimes i go through things, sort them out, and throw stuff away, and sometimes i just hide stuff in other locations so things LOOK organized.

shameful.

so far i've organized the pantry, the junk drawer, and the guest room (sort of). i had pictures but they're from my phone and not good quality at all. the hubs built shelves to go in the garage (in one evening! he's handy!) all the kids are rearranged in rooms upstairs, i've filed all our important papers, shredded stuff i needed to, and cleaned out our filing cabinet. i've even gone through my scrapbook and labeled it. --my sister does my scrapbook for me and leaves the labeling to me! isn't she fantastic? i've also rearranged our junked-up closet. because let's face it, sometimes the junk just has no where to go. and you can't get rid of said junk because you really do need it.

anyway! i am feeling mighty productive, which is a feeling i enjoy. ;) especially since yesterday i was diagnosed with strep. ugh. and how's the new schedule of education going, you ask? great! today was shapes and colors and the kids had a great time coloring and finding shapes in books. so yay for achieving goals!

like the pic at the top? the boys were in my bro-in-law's wedding back in may. and while this pic is cute, i really meant to upload the whole family pic. but you get what you get. ;) now for a nap. and maybe some chocolate. mmm. chocolate.

whelmed

2011-08-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

ready for a boring mommy-blog post? around here, i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. i'd love to feel just whelmed. we'll shoot for that next week. ;) although we have a lot of flexibility in our day now that we're up at the butt-crack of dawn, i'm feeling the pressure. academic pressure. seeing gabe and where he is now with all the stuff he knows, i realize that i should probably be dedicating more time to education in our home.

this is not to say gabe is behind...he's doing great in school, but i'm realizing days can go by without anything going on but chores and playdates (which are educational in their own way, but don't exactly teach letters and such).

so in order to feel more in control and focused (a vice of mine) i've created a little schedule of things to teach throughout the week.

monday: reading and writing practice

tuesday: letters and numbers

wednesday: puzzles and drawing

thursday: songs and writing practice

friday: colors and shapes

now i know a lot of these intersect, and my hope is that each day i can plan just a few activities where we can learn and practice and then i won't feel like the whole day was used up making beds and washing dishes. the younger three start preschool next week and i know they'll be getting a lot of this at school, too, but it's not just the school's job to teach my kiddos. so here we go. wish me luck.

he's all grown up

2011-08-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

it's wednesday. do you know what that means? it means that my little... i mean BIG man has been in school for three whole days. and i've only cried a little.

when asked if he liked school he said, "no...i LOVE school. i NEVER want to stop going!" so i guess i'll keep sending him.

so far his favorite parts of his days have been eating lunch, recess, and sneaking into PE (it's a quiet game of sorts). so i guess he's a typical boy.

although he's loving it, it is wearing him out. i tell yah, today i had him do one extra chore...actually not even a whole one, just a part of an extra chore, and he flipped his lid. he started crying and asking, "why?! why are you making us do more?!" he's not really a whiney kid, and it was hard not to laugh because he was so stressed about the whole ordeal. i asked him if school made him tired and he said, "yes. and work makes me tired. does work make you tired mama?" --yes. yes, son it does.

i have every intention of blogging more often. i really need to be utilizing a creative outlet.

if i type here what future blog posts will be about, i will never write them. so stay on pins and needles.

can i complete a thought?

2011-07-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

i've begun writing this blog entry 3 times. the problem is: i have lots of tidbits to share, but nothing that i can form a whole entry out of.

here's a brief summary:

1. after 5 weeks of keeping the kids busy while the hubs was away, i am exhausted. so we've spent the last week or so doing a lot of resting and sitting around. the hubs is still working really long hours. we can't wait until things slow down for him.

2. we found out gabe needs glasses. he starts kindergarten in a few weeks, which makes me cry just thinking about it. lots of changes for our little...i mean big...man.

3. my 10 year reunion is coming up in september. this reminds me i'm aging. not really a fan. ;)

4. we're finishing up a study called "the prodigal God" by timothy keller, and it rocked my world. so so good. you should check it out.

5. a week from today, i will have been married to my hubs for 7 years. in these 7 years, we've received 4 children, gone to mexico and honduras together, moved a bunch of times, gotten to serve at several churches, graduated with various degrees, been through valleys and mountaintops, and SO many other things. but in the end, the thing i've seen demonstrated over and over in our marriage is that no matter what happens, we are there for each other. i have learned so much about what God desires me to be like through our marriage.

thanks, hubs, for always being so compassionate, loving, and patient with me. i see Jesus in you.

and we're back on

2011-07-09T18:17:00.000-07:00

ok, people, i'm back.
sorry i've been gone so long.

the hubs has been gone to india for 5 weeks for work. i didn't want to share in a public forum that my husband was far away from home, so i just stayed away.
plus...we have been very busy trying to pass the time.

over the last 5 weeks we have visited my parents for a week, been swimming, played on our lovely new back patio, had playdates, driven up to kentucky to visit my brother and his family, driven BACK from kentucky, and hung up 90% of our art and wall hangings in our new home!

and now the hubs returns! wahoo! God has truly provided for all that i've needed during this time. i was really concerned beforehand how difficult it would be for myself and the kids with the hubs gone, but God generously took care of us. the kids did great! and i got to catch up on bonding time with my friend leanna as well as watching chick flicks as much as i want.

hopefully i will be around more now that i'll have a partner in these adventures once again.

see you soon!

asher's two

2011-06-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

our little asher celebrated his second birthday this weekend and it got me to thinking...
there are a lot of things i never knew before asher came into our lives. he has really broadened my horizons.
so to commemorate this oh-so-auspicious of occasions, i thought i'd make a list.

before asher, i didn't know...
1. i would ever be on a first name basis with several different doctor's office staffs
2. what to do when a child swallows windex (the poison control lady was SO nice!)
3. how to go through a cps investigation. it sucks. it really, really does. all because he thought it'd be a good idea to face-plant onto a tile floor
4. how it feels to see your baby roll over, learn how to sit up, and all sorts of other milestones you miss when you start with toddlers
5. how kids could get so dirty while eating. now i see it. i really do. he basically bathed himself in his dinner. and finger painted with his chocolate milk. really creative.
6. what a screaming banshee sounds like. it's interesting, especially in public.
7. how hilarious it is to see a little guy attempt to be a big boy like his brothers (and be pretty good at it)
8. how much a curly-headed boy gets called a girl. yes, i have four boys. not three boys and a girl. no matter how many times you ask, the answer is still the same.
9. how you could possibly willingly care for a child at the hospital even though every fiber of your being wishes you and your child were asleep in your own beds and not on a gross fold-out couch
10. how much a kid could like getting licked in the face by dogs. -i'm talking pure, unadulterated excitement and joy. ew.

asher, thanks for being patient with daddy and i as we learn through trial and error (lots of error) how to be the parents of a truly wild and wonderful little man. you're pretty great. -i'm not gonna lie.

only 3 dr peppers in 7 days

2011-05-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

so it occurred to me that maybe some of you out there doing this project 31:17 are people who have been convicted to only listen to christian music. so... i put together a lovely workout playlist for you!

1. so long self by mercy me
2. your grace is enough by matt maher
3. our God by chris tomlin
4. i wanna be in the light by dc talk
5. i am free by ross parsley
6. until the whole world hears by casting crowns
7. o lord your love by caedmon's call
8. lose it all by rush of fools
9. must have done something right by reliant k
10. 412 by switchfoot

things have been going well here. lots of veggies being eaten... by me! shocking! and i've worked out 6 out of 7 days. it's a record, sad to say.
the hubs has lost 17 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks! i am so proud of him. i have not weighed myself yet but i will keep you posted!!!

i've been really excited watching all the ways in which God has provided for me during this lifestyle change. i have not had many cravings for dr. pepper and i have been finding time in my day to workout without having to get up at 5am (i am a morning person, but not THAT early). during my workout i've found God will lay people on my heart to pray for, which really takes my mind off the aching and fatigue. it's only been a week, but i really hope that i can keep this as a continuous process.

if you're out there and working on this project with us, keep up the good work and do not lose heart! if you haven't started yet but want to, join us!!!

project 31:17 update

2011-05-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

so it's day three and i'm goin' strong!

i've been working out each day and eating healthier.

here's a few things i've been snacking on:
celery and peanut butter
light yogurt
bananas!
fiber one cereal (which is quite yummy!)
and i'm going to try to make a shrimp stir fry dish...yum!

i've been doing power 90 over the last three days, but i already know that when i'm traveling i'll have to figure out something else for exercise.

before i give you a list of my favorite songs to sweat to, please know that not all are kosher. not all are free of dirty words. so please use your own discretion when deciding if you want to download MARGE'S TOP 10 SWEATIN' TUNES (that's what i'd call it if i were in the music biz)

1. american girls by counting crows
2. you lifted me out by chris tomlin
3. sexy back by justin timberlake (radio edit)
4. beverly hills by weezer
5. raise your glass by pink (radio edit)
6. search my heart by hillsong united
7. strip me by natasha bedingfield
8. i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas
9. when the saints by sara groves
10. just the way you are by bruno mars

i'd LOVE LOVE LOVE to know your favorite songs to jam out to.
would you be willing to blog or comment your top 10 or even your top 5???? pretty pretty please?

one hot mama

2011-05-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

so i went to get allergy shots last week and they weighed me at the doctor's office.

bad. news.

i'm overweight. it's not really a shocker. i like bad food and dr. pepper...a lot.
so instead of complaining about it, i'm going to try to do something about it.

my friend leanna and i were riding in a car together for about 3.5 hours and decided we should have a name for this project of getting healthier. my first idea was to call it "the ohm project" --which stands for 'the one hot mama project.' but since leanna's not a mama, we decided that might not be the best name for it.

i've realized that things go better when you do them for God's glory and put God at the center of it all, so we looked at proverbs 31 together.

proverbs 31:17 says "she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong" and so we are calling it project 31:17.

here's what i'm doing:
*drinking mostly (if not all) water
*eating lots of fiber and whole grain, fruits, veggies
*trying to stay away from fatty foods like cheese and desserts and bread and dr. pepper and other delicious things that are not good for me at all. but i am NOT cutting them out completely, because then i become negative about the whole thing.
*spending more time getting fit and being more active
in general, i'm trying to be a better steward of my body. i don't want to do this to look good in a bikini (ha. that makes me laugh) or lose a certain amount of weight. i want to do this to BE healthier. i belong to God, my body belongs to God, so i'm trying to honor Him in what i do with it.

join with us if you'd like. we literally came up with this in about 30 minutes in the car. it would be awesome if we had some ladies join us from all over and we can keep each other updated on our progress.

go get 'em tiger!

a new plan

2011-05-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

i read the retro housewife today, which was about spending time with your children and enjoying it. she had some really good points in there. you should check it out.
i DO enjoy my children and spending time with them. don't panic. i do love my children but...
with four under 5 1/2 years old, i am a bit overwhelmed at times with laundry, dishes, making beds, etc, and i often look back over a whole day and wonder, "where did it go?"

i've gotta be more intentional about my time. if i want my kids to know a specific thing or experience certain events or learn about something in particular, i am gonna have to step it up a notch.

this evening i made up a schedule of our day. it goes in 30 minute increments. i won't bore you with the whole thing, but my hope is that i'll follow this schedule (loosely) and maybe get in more teaching moments and new experiences for the boys.

i want to watch plants grow and bake brownies and watch bugs move around and dress up like sad firemen (see above). i want to seize more moments with them instead of being bogged down with chores.
--this is not to say that dishes will go unwashed and laundry undone for longer periods of time, but hopefully a schedule with specific times to do chores will help me to focus a bit more.

i've even made a chore chart so the boys can help me during the week with the little things.
i'll keep you posted if you want and let you know how this goes. if nothing else, it will hopefully make me more aware of how we're spending our time.

here goes...

gabe gabs

2011-05-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

welcome to our segment: gabe gabs

gabe has been saying some insightful and fun things lately.

early today our conversation went like this:
gabe: mom, when i grow up, i'm gonna drive a cool car.
me: oh yeah?
gabe: yeah. wanna know what it'll look like?
me: yes!
gabe: you'll have to wait and see. it's a surprise....
me: that's mean!
gabe: no it's not. you say when you get me a present, "you'll have to wait and see..." so it's not mean.
me: i guess you're right
gabe: when i grow up and you go somewhere, i'll meet you where you are, and then you can see my cool car.

--thanks for including me son.

he's also been repeating things i say to him over and over to his brothers.
like "how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" and "the faster you do it, the faster you're done."
now if only he'd put those things into practice in his own life, we'd be getting somewhere.

we've been discussing the fact that if it doesn't have a brain, it can't be bad. for instance, if the ball is frustrating you, you really shouldn't say "bad ball!" because it's not bad or good. it's just a ball. (mainly this is because i'm sick to death of gabe blaming inanimate objects for his frustrations). the following situation ensued:

we drove by sonic (don't judge me) and in the meal was a tater tot toy...promoting childhood obesity? quite possibly.

judah: is tater tot mean?
me: nope.
gabe: mom, does tater tot have a brain?
me: nope.
gabe: he looks like he has a brain, but he doesn't? mom, he DOES look like he has a brain.

maybe he's trying to rationalize that the tater tot is, in fact, bad. i like to blame yummy food for my problems, too. ;)

hope

2011-05-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

on a day like today, i realize once again that i am blessed beyond measure.
i have four beautiful boys that call me mommy.

and as i read lots of blogs and have many friends who are dealing with how God will bring children into their families, i am hopeful.

God had a plan for our family that we had no idea about. one day we are not parents, and 4 days later we are. God brought our children into our family with short notice and crazy stories. --God had a bigger plan for us than we had for ourselves.

i am thankful for God's hand in our lives.
i am thankful for birth mothers who choose LIFE
i am thankful for...can you believe it...caseworkers and casemanagers...i know...shocking... who work hard (and some who work not-so-hard) to help create forever families
i am thankful for hugs and kisses
i am thankful for weeds picked in my honor: "here mommy, this flower is for you!"
i am thankful for dirty dishes and poopy diapers
i am thankful for a husband who loves his children
i am thankful i'm not in this alone
i am thankful for wrestling and boogers and stinky feet
because all these things make us a family

i am thankful for the opportunity to have these children in our family through physical adoption
and i am thankful for the opportunity to cry out "Abba, Father" through our spiritual adoption

God creates families, and i am so thankful He created mine.

gotcha party!

2011-04-25T10:32:00.001-07:00

(my superheroes)

we had our gotcha party this weekend and man was it fun. i'm tellin' yah...if you put a bouncy house outside... you need NO adult supervision for all the kids. it's like a big, fat, poofy babysitter... that you can JUMP on!! amazing! ;)

as part of the party you were supposed to dress up like your favorite superhero or make one up of your own. the kids and adults had fun dressing up. people are pretty creative.

("i'm VECTOR! i'm committing crime with both direction...and magnitude. oh yeah!")
leanna came as a supervillain because how can you have heroes without villains?
if you haven't ever seen despicable me, get on it. it's pretty darn cute.
PS: leanna DYED this track suit herself AND made this squid/piranha gun herself as well. handy dandy, huh?

(my sister: a medieval superhero princess lady. she's trying to look mean...grrr)

(judah and elijah. look at their big muscles!)

(picture quality here is not great, but 2 of my sons hugging? how could i resist?)

(trust me, you won't like him when he's angry. asher was the incredible hulk. he kept this hat/mask thing on for about...5 seconds)

(don't be jealous. not everyone can be married to batman)

i was supermom. i have no picture, but just picture me in an apron with an "M" on it.

we ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate copious amounts of cake. we gave away action figures and superhero silly bands as favors.

we had a great time and are so blessed to have friends and family who will celebrate with us!
we are even MORE blessed to be done with fostering for the time being. hip hip hooray! :0)

life in the slow lane

2011-04-15T12:41:00.000-07:00

(asher at halloween)

(asher the first week we had him)

life here is a bit slower than usual. we are enjoying it.

the adoption party is coming up soon. gabe is registered for kindergarten. we've set up the pool in the back yard.
life is good.

(first day of mother's day out last september)

summer is fast approaching and we're ready for trips to the beach and cookouts.

(gabe, judah, and elijah last summer)

i have nothing to report. and THAT is exciting! :)

so since you guys have missed a year in pictures of ALL our children together, i thought i'd include some here. most are very out of date, but i thought you'd enjoy watching our boys grow.

(asher's first bday last year)

and next weekend i'll post some gotcha party pics. promise.

it's all happening!

2011-04-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

i'm back!

sorry i've been away so long! i have missed you guys!

so much has happened and instead of doing one post per special event, i'm going to be realistic and do one big whopping post. that way, you will actually be up-to-date.

here's a picture of judah's birthday. he asked for buzz lightyear cupcakes. say cheese!

on march 23, we adopted asher and judah into our forever family. it was a GREAT day! our family came to celebrate with us and we are now official! God has blessed us in ways i cannot believe! the same day, while in the courthouse, i received a call telling us we were under contract with our current home! yay only one mortgage!

(from left to right: elijah, me, judah, the hubs, gabe, asher)

the day after we adopted, we closed on our new home and started moving in. we found out at 10:07 we were closing at 10:30... God likes to teach us patience and faith. ;)

the boys now each have their own room and it is JUST as amazing and wonderfully stupendous as i had hoped! bedtime no longer lasts hours!

sunday was elijah's 3rd bday. we had a great lazy afternoon! he asked for a cookie cake. yum!
in a few weeks we will be having our gotcha party. people are coming dressed as their favorite superhero or making up one of their own. i will be supermom! stay tuned for pics on that one.

thanks so much to you all for your encouragement and prayers!
we are immensely blessed and to God be all the glory, honor, and praise!
God is good all the time. all the time, God is good.

dear jane

2011-03-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

today is judah's 3rd birthday. sometimes on our kids' birthdays, i think about the day they were born. i wasn't there. did i feel different? did i feel something special in the air that day and not know what it was. 3 years ago today, in a hospital somewhere, a scared teenage girl delivered our son into the world. so i thought i would take this time to write her a note.

dear jane,
our son is beautiful. he gets that from you. he is strong and loving and stubborn and passionate. he is eager. he is precious. in a world where you could have taken the "easy" way out and ended his life during pregnancy, you chose to let him live inside you. thank you. i know life has been hard for you and losing your boys was crushing, but i want you to know i take this responsibility very seriously. judah is a gift and i treasure him. i promise to care for him, nurture him, disciple him, and help him to grow into a man of God that delights in doing His will. someday he will ask about you. someday he'll wonder where he came from. and he'll deserve a great answer. my answer will be: your biological mother loved you very much and did the very best she could. she could not take care of you, and God gave you to us. we are so grateful to have you. you are our forever son. nothing you ever do could make us stop loving you.

thank you, jane, for doing what was difficult. -the hardest thing you've ever had to do. thank you for letting go. thank you for judah.

happy birthday, judah. we love you so very very much.

sweet blogger award

2011-03-14T10:58:00.000-07:00

thanks to my friend alena at little bit of wonderful i have received a sweet blogger award!
so i'm supposed to post 4 of my guilty pleasures and pass the award on.

don't judge me.

1. i like to sit down during nap time or after bedtime and eat my weight in anything sweet. currently my dessert of choice is reese's peanut butter cups. this could have something to do with why i weigh more and more.
hmm.

2. in the wee small hours of the morning, i wait as long as i possibly can to get the boys out of bed. i love the quiet and solitude. then they get up. and nothing is ever the same. ;)

3. although it's been a pain, i LOVE LOVE LOVE having a clean house. i've been having to keep it clean for showings, but i realized recently that after we move, i won't HAVE to keep the house this clean, but i think i might still want to. something about the smell of windex and clorox wipes makes my heart happy.

4. i get a pedicure almost every month. i figure with how much i'm on my feet, i deserve it.
i love the massage chairs, the music, the foot rubbing, and the best part: quiet!

so i would like to pass this blog award on to my friend stephanie at terribly interesting. go visit her and see all her loveliness! she's pretty great.

gabe turned 5!!

2011-03-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABE!!!

well it's happened, folks. gabe turned 5. i haven't blogged in so long because things here have been a bit hectic. but here it is. better late than never.

we had a small celebration with the family and gabe got to pick his favorite place to eat. then we came home to do presents and yummy chocolate cake.

our plan is to celebrate sometime soon at chuck-e-cheese with all 4 boys since 3 of them have their birthdays in march and april.

this is the delicious cake that we enjoyed. then this weekend i turned on the oven to cook and forgot it was in there. needless to say, it's no longer edible.

sad, sad day. the death of chocolate is always a travesty in my mind.

here's some posts to look forward to (in no particular order): adoption day, moving day, new house pictures, and more birthdays.
whew. i'm tired just thinking about it.

have a great day!

revelation and hard work

2011-02-18T11:03:00.001-08:00

revelation:
i figured out why gabe has been talking about wives these last few weeks.
it's because at night (not every night, so don't think i'm on the ball) i pray with the boys before they go to sleep. and usually i will pray for their future wives: that they will be godly women who are eager to support and encourage the boys and that my sons would grow to be godly men who love the Lord and love their wives as Christ loves the church. so there you go. revelation. he's not just randomly asking for a spouse. who knew?

my new attempts at productivity and being disciplined for godliness:
*i've started reading a study on jonah by priscilla shirer and although i'm only on day 1, i am really enjoying it. we just finished a study on nehemiah, which i enjoyed but it was not my favorite. what WAS my favorite was meeting with the other two women doing it. good good stuff!
*i'm also trying to finish "family driven faith" which i am really enjoying. i read a chapter and then think, "man i gotta get my rear in gear!" i'm trying to limit my tv time because it's become a lazy, slothful time where i get nothing done and then i get behind and mad at myself for being unproductive. this is only day 2 of that, so we'll see how it all pans out. i'm not being legalistic about it, just trying to put my energy into more productive things.

anyways, life is moving along here. our house should be ready end of march, the boys should be adopted around then too, but still not sure when. the hubs has some great opportunities at work coming up, and it's exciting!

what are you up to these days?

gabe gabs: octupus and the Holy Spirit

2011-02-15T17:38:00.001-08:00

first of all, when asked what he wants for his birthday he answered, "basketballs, baseballs, a toy house, and a wife..."
hmm.

i asked him to tell me a story the other day and it went a little something like this:
"the rocket has fire and it flied up in the air. it was rainbow colored. i was not scared. i goed up to heaven in the rocket. and i opened the door of heaven and Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit were there. they were planning something. --to go see families and bring them a house and a wife and children and a dad (what's his deal with wives?).

somebody knocked on the door. it was an octopus. it can change into rainbow colors. but right now it's orange. it was funny. it's eyes were where it's mouth was. they took the octopus on the plane back to it's house...the sea. that was it."

sounds a little bit like the book of revelation to me. but i'm pretty sure that octopus part isn't anywhere in the bible. ;)
thus ends this edition of gabe gabs.

ode to 5 bedrooms

2011-02-10T10:46:00.000-08:00

the three older boys share a bedroom. this leads to me having to sit in their room for 20 minutes at nap and bedtime so they don't play. this is an ode to when i can put them in bed and go do my own thing. i'm so excited i might pee myself.

ode to 5 bedrooms:

each one of you wild banshees
will have your own room
so you can no longer wrestle at 5 am
and yell very loudly "kaboom!"

you'll sleep ever so soundly
in a bedroom all your own
i will have a full night's sleep
you will reap what you have sown

i won't hear you scream
at the top of your lungs
you shall sleep ever so tightly
and no songs will be sung

except the song of victory
from your mama's lips
from the glass of triumph
i will surely sip

so goodbye 1 bedroom sharing
with your fatigue and exhaustion
all you boys will have a bedroom
and it will be stinkin' awesome.

the end

partay!

2011-02-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

(pepper ann, alice in wonderland, dorothy, and someone from star wars)

this past weekend we had a theme party for our young adult life group at our previous church.

i know what you're thinking: 1. we don't even go to that church anymore 2. we are NOT young adults and 3. we never belonged to that lifegroup anyway.

nevertheless, that did not stop us from throwing a party. for no reason. just for fun.
(this is pepper ann)

our theme was to dress up like your favorite cartoon or tv character from when you were a kid. and you were supposed to bring your favorite snack from childhood too.

we had a good turn out and ate yummy stuff like pb&j sandwiches, cookies, fruit rollups, brownies, and pizza.

i dressed up like punky brewster (which no one knew about since i am old and they are...you guessed it...young adults). the hubs was steve urkle from family matters. aren't we cute?

this is cody and christina. he's a teenage mutant ninja turtle and she's smurfette. she made their costumes! elijah and gabe decided to dress up as a basketball (his words, not mine) and batman.

this is leanna. she was dorothy from the wizard of oz. she's also wearing red converse which i think is a nice new spin on ruby red slippers. ;) good job, leanna.

all in all, we had a great night playing apples to apples and cranium. i think i ate my weight in yummy fruit rollups. it was worth it.

and the kitchen sink

2011-02-03T12:02:00.001-08:00

i have lots of different things to discuss on here today. we'll cover a little bit of everything.
we are supposed to close on our new home march 24. i am SO ready to be in our new home. above is our bookshelf that i've moved into the living room because we now only have one couch. the kids like having all their books in one place.

we've been buying some things for our new home. i went to an estate sale and bought the trunk in the picture below. that, a day bed, trundle bed, and some painting/pictures for $140. bargain shopper!!!
this is my favorite pillow. i bought it at target and it was more expensive than anything else i bought, but it brings the colors together nicely.

the adoption caseworker came out today to meet us. we are filling out paperwork and waiting for some CPS reports to be finished. there is a slight possibility we will adopt these kiddos before moving!!! hooray!

the last few days have been freezing and if the kids were older, they'd perhaps snuggle better. but currently, the three older kids want to wrestle instead and the baby wants to be independent. so once the younger kids were down for nap, gabe and i snuggled in the bed and watched tv and blogged. isn't he cute?

enjoy these last few weeks of winter!

enjoy your sunny side

2011-01-28T20:12:00.000-08:00

this might come as a surprise to you, but marge ain't so good with the talkin'. we could make a whole segment out of horribly hilarious or terrifying experiences with my inability to express myself. it could be called marge's mangled mutterings. i'm all into this whole name-your-entries-and-make-them-segments thing. although sharing with all of you my most embarrassing stories WOULD be a hoot and a holler, i'll just share this one and then never ever do it again.

so here goes:

i was sitting next to a lovely older woman in a pedicure place while we waited for our nails to dry.
we started chatting (this is where i tend to fail epicly) and she was pretty excited that her life seemed to be coming together quite nicely with a new relationship and the like. and then it was time to go.

what i WANTED to say was something like "enjoy this beautiful day" and some combination of other words. but what came out was "enjoy your sunny side."

there you go, ladies and gentlemen. i am ridiculous and i get tongue tied. in truth, though, there ARE worse things i could have said. --so i'm ok with looking like a fool.
enjoy your sunny side, friends.

gabe gabs

2011-01-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

here's another new segment called "gabe gabs" which is where i will share some encounters with gabe. he has started saying hilarious things and telling stories which make me happy.
here's one from last week:

gabe: i'm a daddy reindeer and i have three baby reindeer in my tummy. one's name is asher, one's name is elijah, and one's name is wisemen.
me: that's an interesting name, where did you get it?
gabe: the Bible. and they're not 5, they're 15 months so they have to stay in my tummy. one's in the other pipe. and my name is stop sign.

quality stuff, right?
the end

we're gonna make it after all...

2011-01-14T11:08:00.000-08:00

a year ago today we received two precious children into our family, not knowing how temporary or permanent it would be. and today we are on our way to having them forever. before writing this post, i read the post from a year ago today entitled "welcome home" and truth be told, i remember that day to be a bit more horrific and terrifying than i let on. --so much so that i have called several people today and thanked them for helping us through such a rough time. on the post from a year ago, all the names are different (i was still playing around with their blog names), but the memory is very fresh. and now, 365 days after that post, we are doing ok. we have rough days. there is fighting, yelling, crying, and stomping of feet. --and then there's the kids' behaviors too! ;) other days are so serene i have to pinch myself to believe it can actually go this smoothly.

i am so glad we've lived to see the end of this year pass. we made it. by the grace of God, and i DO mean that, we have made it through. now all we have to do is adopt them, get through puberty with them, high school, college, marriage, and grandkids and we'll be in the clear. :) yes...i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

so thank you guys for all your support this past year. thank you for giving me a thumbs up when i needed it. thanks for helping me to keep going. we really CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

below is a picture i had gabe draw me today. "our family." gabe is at the top because he said he's coming down a slide. an invisible slide. watch out for those. and elijah has a circle around his head because it's a hoodie. and the little antennae thingies? those are his ears. our radiant glow? our hair. and colalicious' tiny head? --because he's a baby, of course. and apparently babies look like lollipops. this is our family. soon to be our forever family. thank You, God, for these precious gifts. and help me to remember they are precious when they stink and scream and whine. You and i both know i do that, too. ;)

90 days

2011-01-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

i was waiting to post this until i had a definite date. but looks like our case worker isn't returning phone calls these days.

so here's the news: z-diddy and colalicious are gonna be part of our forever family!

the 90 days is up. z-diddy and colalicious will be ours as soon as paperwork is done.
unfortunately CPS doesn't seem to be in as much of a hurry as we are. we'd like it to be finalized by the time we move, but that would mean CPS has to get their rear in gear. we are blessed to have a great case manager and a great lawyer, so hopefully they'll help us get the job done.

so... in a few months i will be presenting to you judah matthew and asher townsend. judah means "praise" and matthew is daddy's middle name, which means "gift from God." asher means "happy" and townsend is my grandmother's maiden name. asher and and judah are both tribes of israel. they were brothers, which is kinda convenient since these boys are biologically half-brothers. don't pee your pants. i'm excited too!!

marge in charge: older kids

2011-01-05T18:22:00.000-08:00

i'm calling this segment 'marge in charge' because you always get my opinion, but now you've actually ASKED for it. what were you thinking? this is a big deal. here's the topic for today (thanks alena): what i think of fostering older kiddos.

gird your loins, people.

i can only talk about my own experience. sure, everybody knows somebody whose cousin's sister's neighbor fostered or adopted a child who was older who tried to kill them with a knife or run away or talked to themselves in third person. (i jest...sarcastic tone is rarely evident in blogging. sad day.)
as a case manager i dealt with older foster kids all the time. i've seen ones who dealt with it all pretty well and others who seemed truly incapable of healthy relationships and coping strategies.

z-diddy is the oldest kiddo to come to us straight from chaos. he spent 18 months in his bio home and 4 in a shelter. so at 22 months we received a child who was totally overwhelmed (so was i so we helped each other out with that one), unable to self-soothe, had difficulty learning cause and effect in any form, and attached to anyone including strangers like the orkin man who came to our house to spray for bugs. imagine if he had stayed in his previous situation longer.

he is the most difficult child i've ever parented and was definitely one of the most difficult kids i've ever worked with...and i've worked with A LOT of difficult kids. but he is pretty darn cute. i love him so much. and i wouldn't trade a hard day with him for anything. he and i are both right where we are supposed to be.

the truth of the matter is: whether you have a biological child or adopt or foster a child, you never know what you're getting. your parents didn't. --so don't take any flack from them. ;) anything could happen. there are no "sure things." each and every child deserves a family. we shouldn't exempt older kids from that right because they have more behavior issues or aren't as cuddly. i get that people want a little person who they can hold and snuggle with and love. but there are kids out there who have no chance unless someone comes along and guides them. you might be their only chance. you might be the only person who believes in them. you might be exactly God's plan for their lives. what an opportunity. what a ministry.

from my experience, people believe a lot of crazy stuff. and what's even crazier, they say it out loud for others to hear. i know that my husband and i speaking up for our kids and others like them has definitely raised awareness in our family and friends. so if you're called to adopt or foster an older kid, go for it and know you have my support...whatever that's worth. i make up great jingles and can probably put together some sort of cheer for you when needed. i give you mad props. you're going to have challenges like any other parent. and with God, you can absolutely do this.

so fostering and adopting older children definitely has risks like any other major decision in your life but i'm pretty sure these children are worth it. family might be against it, professionals might caution you, ignorant neighbors and coworkers might 'tsk tsk' and say you don't know what you're getting yourself into but God rescued us from much worse.

"open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all the unfortunate. open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy." prov 31:8-9

let's be counter-cultural, shall we?

gomer's house

2011-01-02T20:09:00.000-08:00

so this weekend we went to visit our friends, stephanie and denbigh. this is their house. it's called gomer's house.
their story is amazing and you should read more about it on their blog listed below.

they bought this house and are slowly restoring it with plans to serve God however He calls them to. they have already seen God do amazing things and bring people into their path that needed help.

we had a great time with them during our visit and can't wait to see how God moves. they have a beautiful family, but even more beautiful is how they serve God wholeheartedly.

please check out their website: gomer's house
and check out stephanie's blog as well

my next post will be answering alena's question about fostering/adopting older children. i'm excited to answer my first feedback question! thanks alena!

late Christmas

2010-12-29T18:47:00.000-08:00

i am prompt on a lot of things in life, but apparently posting on this blog is not one of those things.

gabe was very excited about Christmas. this is his excited face. ;)

we had Christmas at the in-laws, which sounds like it should have a "dum dum dum" after it, but i love my in-laws. we should think of a nicer name for them. like "awesome-laws." i call them momage and popage. --a combo of mom/pop plus part of their last name.
doesn't that sound friendlier?

we had a great time. momage and popage had the whole family at their house Christmas eve. i think it was about 40 people plus kids. it was great!
the best part was our kiddos getting to play with their cousins. they played with foam dart guns for pretty much the whole evening. a lot of the family had not met colalicious and z-diddy, so it was nice to introduce them to their family.

i have tons of great pictures of the whole crew opening presents, but you know the drill...can't post pics of the foster kiddos.

hopefully their status will be changing soon. -january 3 is the end of the 90 days, and after that (if nobody comes forward) we get to pursue adoption! hooray!

we're not even 30 and we already have a 6-person family. i tell people we're on the accelerated family plan.

happy new year. maybe next week i'll do a post about that.

a little late

2010-12-20T10:43:00.000-08:00

here's a few pics from our trip up to the farm at thanksgiving. i'm a little late, admittedly, but thought i should post about this before all the christmas pics get posted.

what you might not know is that my parents are basically antique store owners but they don't know it. they have so many wonderful vintage things but they don't think a thing about it. i keep telling my dad he should start to sell some stuff on ebay or etsy but he doesn't know how to work a computer. and he doesn't think any of it is worth anything. hello?! country chic is in, pops.

anyways, while at thanksgiving my dad let my friend amanda jo and i look through his shed and pick out anything we wanted. aaaah, delightful.

we made out with old wooden processed cheese boxes, old buckets, an old gun, and some old, lovely bowls.

we made yummy hot dogs by the fire. it was freezing on thanksgiving day and it felt good to actually need a coat.

this is as much autumn as one gets in texas. yellow leaves.
that's it.

doesn't this cherry pie look delish? the youth at my parents' church made it for a fundraiser. i think it was totally made from scratch. i've made two pies in my whole entire life. i know. i'm quite the domestic diva, huh?

so that's our trip. we are excited about this Christmas. the boys are going to love their presents. we stick to three each. we figure if it worked for Jesus, it works for us. ;)
so i'll keep you posted. stay tuned for cute christmas morning pajama pics.

productivity just might be overrated

2010-12-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

so christmas presents have been bought and almost all are wrapped.

i cleaned all morning. not my house, but a friend's. it feels good when it smells clean.

i have several loads of laundry to fold and put away, but for right now...

... i have my feet up. i'm blogging. and i have coffee heath bar crunch icecream waiting.

while laundry might not be done, the floor might not be swept, and the dishes might not be washed, i am here.

and for these 3-7 minutes before the kids wake up from nap, i will enjoy the solitude.

and in case you needed a little pick-me-up today, here's a hilarious picture of elijah.
he's a looker, ain't he, folks?

bridal shower

2010-12-03T11:11:00.000-08:00

this is christina. she's marrying our friend cody. she's my new bestie.
after a few years of dating off and on, they are getting married following a 3 month engagement. finally!

recently i hosted a shower for her and thought i'd share some pics.

these are the cupcakes that we special ordered from a local bakery. the icing was HEAVENLY! i'm serious --like it was whipped in heaven and sent to earth for us to partake of. de-light-ful!
the theme was lovebirds. the lovebirds here matched the plates.

the tables had these flower arrangements as well as tulle with tea lights and sparkly jewels in it.
my friends becca and kylie helped host it and i think it was so beautiful!

and just because i know she'll be mortified when she sees that i put this picture up for all the world to enjoy, here's our friend leanna. grrr.

the holiday

2010-12-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

we had a great thanksgiving. we went to the farm and rode the mule (a golf cart) and enjoyed really cold weather and looking at Christmas lights.

i have pictures, but i think all of them have a kid or two in them that are not allowed to be posted.

the turkey was yummy, the hotdogs were roasted, the pies were delicious, and the blankets were very snuggly.

we had a great time.
and since i don't have any pics to share at this time from the holiday, here's a random picture of gabe as a rooster.

the house is now decorated and the 2' tree is lit up. i love Christmas. i love celebrating with my family. this is our first Christmas with four boys. this is colalicious' first Christmas with a family. this is a big deal.

i'm gonna put on some bing and wrap some stuff. it's all Christmas, all the time. cider anyone?

what it all boils down to

2010-11-23T12:06:00.000-08:00

it's 68 degrees outside. i wish it was scarf and sweater weather,
but i shall choose to be thankful ;)

the holidays always get me thinking about how we do things around here. what do we want our traditions to be? what do we want our kids to remember...

i remember eating really hot stuffing right from the oven in a pyrex dish because i stole the idea from my sister, getting out the lovely china and setting out all the pretty place settings to commemorate the importance of the day, watching the parade on tv, pretending to play football outside after dinner, and watching white christmas or whatever movie was on that night.
what will my kids remember? what do i WANT them to remember....

and what it all comes down to for us is Christ.

sure we are blessed beyond measure that my husband has a job, we are healthy for the most part, we have a home that we can afford to pay for heating and cooling, we have a family that is growing by leaps and bounds, but the most important part is Christ.

we have been so richly blessed by His grace and His mercy. by His forgiveness and His redemption.

i am so thankful that the all-knowing, all-powerful, creator of the heavens and the earth chose to create a way for myself and Him to have a relationship together. i'm thankful that God, in His infinite power and wisdom, sent Christ to die for my sins so that by accepting Him, God no longer sees my iniquities but Christ's perfection.

so while i love turkey and dressing and family time and a warm home and yummy candles and kids all bundled up ready to play, even if there were none of that, i would still be blessed. i hope my children can look back at our holiday traditions and see that through all of it was the underlying concept that God is worthy to be praised --in every season. whether we can see the blessings or not, He is worthy.

thank You, God, for providing us with everything we need through Christ.

top 10

2010-11-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

well hello ladies and gentlemen...
how goes it?

fall is in full swing tonight at our house... candles lit, windows slightly open, snuggly pajamas on...and oh yeah, i'm sick.
but we are blessed, nonetheless, and i thought i'd do a quick top 10 to update on all the happenings.
1. halloween went great. the kids loved their costumes and looked super cute in them.

ironman

hate to break it to you, but gabe is the real ironman. i know. i blew his cover.

elijah was superman

2. z-diddy, elijah, and gabe are all in this new phase of pretending to be puppies. they pretend grapes are treats and they crawl around on all fours. it's pretty entertaining.

3. the Christmas gift list is made and i shall be purchasing these lovely trinkets in the near future. i'm trying to get the bulk of it done before thanksgiving. we'll see...
4. we have been having lots of showings on the house lately. this is very exciting.
5. colalicious has started walking. i know, i know. you're all astounded at his genius-ness.
6. we finalized the options on our next house. everyone will have their own room...except me. i have a roommate. he's cute. the hubs...he's a keeper. we should be moving in march.
7. pandora radio has a lovely Christmas station that makes me very excited. the other night we put it on and danced in the kitchen. "rockin' around the Christmas tree" and "i'm dreaming of a white christmas" (--the fun, upbeat version) always remind me of home alone, my all-time FAVE Christmas movie.
8. no news is good news with the whole colalicious and z-diddy adoption situation. our 90 days of waiting for extended family to come forward is over sometime around january 3. we are excited to see that date come and go with no hint of news.
9. colalicious has been sick this week and has NOT gotten worse or ended up in the hospital. this is a BIG deal in our house!
10. the church plant that we're helping with is coming along nicely. we are excited to see how God will use us when we live in the same city as the church plant. i can't wait to bake brownies for neighbors, hold bible studies, and share Christ with our community.
check us out!
www.hopeforboerne.org

hopefully i'll be more on the ball and blog a bit more in the near future. i know...you're on pins and needles. ;)

eating brownies

2010-11-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

it's been a rough couple of weeks. don't get me wrong, it's been delightful to have two cute official sons and two cute unofficial additions.

but we've had so much going on lately and i just can't seem to catch my breath.

the adoption, family coming in, planning a shower for my dear friend, "tia," keeping the house ready for the showings we've been having, and all the day to day stuff like keeping Rxs for the baby up to date and filled, paperwork done, etc.

the climax of all of this came when one kid is screaming, none of them can get along, i realized i was terribly late sending my neice a birthday present, and i paid WAY too much for some wonderful cupcakes that i'm sure in the long run will be worth it. not too exciting of a climax, right?

whew.

needless to say, there is no routine. there is no "laundry day" or "deep cleaning day" or "chore day" or any other form of measurable productivity. at the end of the day the beds are unmade, the floor is dirty, the dishes need to be washed, the clothes need to be folded, and i just have nothing left.

now, i get the whole "when they're 18 you won't look back and think about all the dishes you didn't do...you'll wish you spent more time the kids" idea. i'd love for those people to come do my dishes for me so i could play a game or read a book to my kids.

anyways, tonight the hubs is out and about, the kids are tucked in, and i'm eating turtle brownies and watching 27 dresses in the hopes that tomorrow i will breathe in this fresh fall loveliness and not feel so far behind.

here we go...

he's finally ours!

2010-10-22T18:06:00.001-07:00

well folks, it's time. this is the big unveiling.

elijah.

--"the Lord is my salvation"

blogger land, eat your heart out.

i had planned on doing TONS of photos from throughout the year, but the computer is acting up quite a bit these days.

in may of 2009, we received a little precious baby into our hearts and home.
today, october 22, 2010, he became our elijah forever.

God is so good.

so, so good.

can you handle it?

2010-10-20T18:26:00.000-07:00

it's coming...are you ready?
2 more days...
you'll see

friday will bring a wonderful surprise for all my fabulous readers

verdict is in

2010-10-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

alright ladies and gentlemen...the verdict is in.

z-diddy and colalicious' parents relinquished their rights last week and confirmed it yesterday.
this means they gave up their rights. --probably because CPS discussed with them that if they had their rights terminated by the court instead of relinquishing, it would give them trouble if they ever had more children.

so that's that. now we wait 90 days for extended family to come forward and after that, adoption time.

we are set for elijah's adoption on october 22. big big day!

so all is well here. we are excited for all the kiddos to be ours. we are kinda attached. ;) we love them a lot.

thanks for the prayers!

colalicious top 10

2010-09-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

colalicious is the baby of the family. he. is. awesome.
so we shall take a little time to delve deeper into what makes colalicious so amazing, fantastic, and cute.

1. colalicious is learning to walk. he's 15 months and can cruise with the best of them. not too interested in letting go, though
2. colalicious can make an elephant-like noise with his mouth and LOVES to imitate you when you make the noise too
3. colalicious eats everything in sight and can often be pacified by simply putting more food next to him. pretty easy going, i must say
4. colalicious loves to dance and kick his legs. he looks a bit like a frog attempting to jump. interesting
5. colalicious has 4 teeth and my, what big teeth they are. it's amazing what he can accomplish with just 4. makes me wonder what i need all my teeth for
6. colalicious is sick constantly. always on at least 3 meds. when he's sick he's on 6. we've gone 4 months between hospitalizations, so we are making great headway!
7. colalicious can clap and wave bye bye. these are huge steps in baby land
8. colalicious likes to play with his nebulizer and will actually put it up to his mouth to pretend to get a treatment. pretty hilarious since he screams bloody murder while actually GETTING the treatment
9. colalicious always wakes up at least once between the hours of midnight and 4am. he apparently really likes to scream his head off during this time. soothes the soul, i guess
10. colalicious, if he were not sickly, would be the most easy-going baby on the face of the planet. i look forward to seeing what he's like when he (hopefully) grows out of the sickness part

so there you go. all four kids are present and accounted for.
mediation for colalicous and z-diddy is tomorrow. this is parents' opportunity to relinquish their rights instead of having the rights taken away by the state.
we'll see. i'll let you know.

e-money's top 10

2010-09-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

to parallel z-diddy's, i thought we'd move on to elijah's top 10 fantastical qualities of gigantic proportions.

1. elijah has cute big ears that, when persuaded by someone's fingers, will dance to any beat. video to follow once he's officially ours.
2. elijah is our little servant-hearted giver. when you say something like, "you took my pillow, z-diddy," elijah will go get you another one without you even asking.
3. elijah has a speech delay and a lot of what he says needs interpretation... such as: "me me dee"
which apparently means "medicine." who knew?
4. elijah has a favorite pair of my flipflops that he wears around the house ALL the time. they are teal, and he gets mad if anyone touches them or even so much as looks at them. he's into accessories.
5. elijah loves to throw his own stuff away after a meal, switch clothes to the dryer, and put clothes away. i really lucked out.
6. at nap time every day, elijah sits on the couch or our bed and says, "batch mooovie?" which is his way of asking to watch a movie. and everyday the answer is no. and everyday he cries.
vicious, vicious cycle.
7. elijah likes to wear hats that make his ears stick out. (see number 1)
8. elijah can now get himself dressed with a little bit of help and then proclaims to the world "I DID IT!"
9. elijah is now talking back, which truth be told, is kinda hilarious. in the car the other day i said, "you guys stop yelling!" to which he said, "no, you top yell," to which i said, "you're crazy," and he replied, "no, you!" kinda hilarious for a kid who can barely put a sentence together.
10. elijah is really sweet with the baby. he likes to play with him, blow raspberries on his tummy, and push him on a riding toy. this usually ends in tears with the baby falling off, but it's the thought that counts, right?

z-diddy's top 10

2010-09-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

i asked the hubs if he wouldn't mind me taking a pic of one of our foster kiddo's ears or feet or cute smile (without the whole face) and paying tribute to them on this here blog.

he said he didn't really feel comfy with that, since we're not supposed to post their pics online.
--rule follower. and i respect that. especially when the hubs is so cute! -who can argue with that face?!

but nevertheless i figure i should take the time to tell you a little about each kiddo in our home, and since i just did a gotcha day post on gabe, i'll do the next kiddo in line...

our eldest-newest foster son, let's call him z-diddy.

z-diddy is a special little man. one with many unique qualities, most of them delightful, some not so much. let's do a top 10, shall we?

1. z-diddy looks like a chimpanzee baby when he's wet in the bathtub with his hair all crazy. a-dorable!
2. z-diddy likes to be rough even when others around him do not.
3. z-diddy loves cuddling and ANY form of touch where he is RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
4. z-diddy is GREAT at cleaning up toys once he gets started.
5. z-diddy has some sensory issues that we are currently working through and even though we have a long way to go, he has made lots of progress! go big boy!
6. z-diddy can answer questions from our discipleship time like, "who made you" --"God"; "why did God make you?" --"for His own glory"; and "where is God?" --"everywhere!"
7. z-diddy is gabe's partner in crime. they do EVERYTHING together. it usually involves getting into trouble, but they grin pretty cute while it's happening.
8. z-diddy can now get himself dressed with little-to-no help from us. independent little guy.
9. z-diddy spills a drink all over our table at least once a day, but always acts as if it's a shocker. the real shocker is why we don't just make him use a sippy any chance we get. ;)
10. z-diddy puts on daddy's shoes and walks around the house waving goodbye and telling me he's off to church or work. pretty darn cute, if you ask me.

so there you go. our little guy has changed a lot over the last 8 months that he's been in our house. we are very proud of him and can't wait to see what his future holds. (hopefully with us...pray hard.)

gotcha day

2010-09-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

here at the ol' homestead it's gotcha day. 2 years ago gabe became a part of our forever family.
since i don't think i've shared the story, i thought this would be a good time to do it. i was going to write a book about our experiences with this, but since i now have four children, that'll probably never happen. this is long, but i think it's worth it. here's the story of how we began:

gabe came into care just after he had turned one. i worked with him on my caseload when i was an early intervention specialist. i loved his squishy forehead and lovely chubby cheeks. he was the cutest little guy i'd ever seen. in late december of '07 the foster mom let me know he would be available for adoption. without thinking, i let her know that maybe my husband and i would be interested in adopting him into our family. this probably was a bit premature, since my husband had never even heard of this child. we had always talked about fostering and adopting, but we had also talked about WAITING to do it. foster mom liked this idea and got pretty excited, which made me realize that once again that i had spoken without thinking OR checking with my husband. nevertheless, i spent the next 90 minutes of our appointment plotting and planning how i would present this idea to the hubs.

i have been told that i tend to jump into things too quickly. i really enjoy planning outlandish things but then freak out and don't actually accomplish any of them. it's a cycle and i'm quite fond of it. but turns out there's a problem with this because it doesn't require any trust in God.

so as i met with my husband to discuss the possibility of adopting a child 3 years earlier than we had ever expected to start a family, i pretty much vomited out as much information as i could. yeah, i'm definitely not the play-it-cool and wait-till-he's-in-a-great-mood type. once i let him know my plan, he quickly said no. there were lots and lots of reasons why adopting a child at this time would not work out for us, and he listed all of them.

but i pressed on. and not tactfully or graciously, i might add.
by the end of the dinner, the hubs had agreed to attend a meeting with me in january about fostering. after that, we would see.

after that meeting, the hubs was as burdened as i was about fostering, and he said he felt comfortable going forward to the next step of the process. so we agreed to pick an agency. and the hubs let me know that if obstacles came up, that would be God's way of letting us know He was closing a door.

no obstacles really came up. although gabe's casemanager wanted him and was proceeding with trying to adopt him as well, we pursued getting licensed as a foster family to foster-adopt gabe. the thought occassionally crossed my mind that if we got licensed and didn't get gabe, this would all be for nothing, but i trusted that God had His hand in this and that He would show us what to do.

we got licensed faster than any other couple through that agency. 6 weeks. all the pieces fell into place. it was between us and the casemanager. the agency would choose.

i got a call on a wednesday that the agency had not received our homestudy. after a day of panic and hurried phone calls, it got sorted out. by thursday afternoon i had a voicemail from the adoption worker.
--in a serious and hushed tone, "marge, when you get this, please call us back."

uh oh

when i called they said, in a serious and very sad voice, "ok marge, they've made a decision. and...well...i guess i'll just read it to you. ahem. 'we, the state, have determined that marge and her hubs (changed for the sake of privacy) are the best fit for this child."

she was so mean to trick me into thinking we were not being chosen. ;)
well to make a long story short, they had me on speaker phone and i screamed so loud with excitement that several other office members came in to see what the commotion was all about.

and that was it. we found out that thursday, and the following wednesday we had gabriel in our home playing with a train set. and we've never been the same since.

after a mandatory 6 month waiting period with gabe in our home, he was adopted into our family forever. and that, my friends, is why we celebrate "gotcha day."
ps: with this story usually comes a lot of questions. please don't ever hesitate to ask us about fostering or adoption. and please don't hesitate to send friends who are considering it our way. we love to encourage others on this journey.

first day of school

2010-09-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

update from last time: we still don't have an answer from CPS. basically, the adoption of elijah miguel will either happen in a week or will be postponed due to a new law that passed about the paperwork process. we might know by tonight, but i would not recommend holding your breath for someone to call you back. i am not too worried about it. the good news is, he will be ours eventually. and that is a blessing. and the rest will work out. God has a plan, and it's perfect, so i'll just trust in that.

BUT...onto happier, non-CPS-related news.
today was the three oldest boys' first day of mother's day out. i got some pretty cute pics that, of course, i can't share because the kiddos are in foster care. but here's one of gabe. this time next year, he will be in kindergarten. i'm not gonna lie, i teared up a bit dropping him off in his new class. and while they're at school, i get to blog, vaccuum, fold laundry, and sort toys. productivity, here i come. oh, how i've missed you so.

ps: isn't he a cutie pie? i shall keep him.

defiance

2010-09-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

CPS should pay me money to recruit people into fostering and adopting through the state.

but at this moment, i am not a good person to advertise.

there is crap going on. i'm sorry. that's not diplomatic. --there is POO going on.

and i won't go into details because by the end of this day, it might change.
but at this moment, CPS is ticking me off.

i shall handle it with grace and dignity.
BUT
i defy CPS. i defy the way they bureacratically handle families.
i defy the way they don't return calls.
i defy the way they act as if they have no personal responsibility at all.
so it's back to utter defiance, people.

i'll keep you posted.
and CPS, gird your loins. i will kick you in the face if you continue to mess with our family.
the end.

top 10

2010-08-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

there is a lot of fun and exciting stuff going on around the ol' homestead. instead of taking time to blog about each thing individually, i thought i'd give a quick run-down:

1. our adoption of elijah miguel should be finalized on september 17th. yippee-kay-aye! what does this mean? well the main thing is: i will finally get to post a picture of the kid! oh, and he'll be a forever part of our growing family. -i guess that's exciting, too. ;)

2. mediation regarding the two other boys placed with us is scheduled for september 30th. if parents decide to relinquish their rights that day, then we begin the 90 days for extended family to come forward and then can pursue adoption. this means that possibly, by the end of january 2011 we might have all our boys as part of our forever family! we're starting to brainstorm on names. exciting!

3. our house is now off the market. we'll wait until next spring to put it back up again. whew!

4. i am enjoying "the excellent wife" bible study SO much and highly recommend it.

5. if you decide to pursue #4, please find awesome friends to do it with you who will spur you on to righteousness. it's kinda hard core and very counter-cultural!

6. we are helping plant a church and in the next few weeks, it should be moving up to the next level which is super exciting and a little intimidating.

7. the state fair of texas is coming at the end of september, and as i type this, i am peeing my pants with excitement.

8. i have now cleaned up the mess from # 7.

9. our part time nanny will now be working one evening a week so the hubs and i can go on a date night. i peed again!

10. i'm going to start subbing for a bunco group once a month and am excited to meet new people and learn a new game. i have no idea how to play! and i have no skill or luck. this should be interesting.

what's going on in y'alls neck of the woods?

kentucky

2010-08-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

i feel like i owe an explanation to my 2 readers. where have i been?

well, we went to kentucky. i don't like to post online when we leave town because i am prone to stalkers. they are SO into me. --sarcastic tone is lost in blogging.

no, i'm just cautious. i don't want someone to break into our home while we're away and steal our doggies. ryken and emmy would miss us greatly. and they are our only valuable possessions. wait. can you OWN a dog? liz from mabel's house would disagree and might actually ban me from reading her blog just for saying it.

ok focus. kentucky.
we drove up, we drove back. we had a GREAT time there.
the total driving time up: 19 hours
the total driving time back: 100 million hours

it. took. forever.

but it was all worth it to see my brother and his family. the cousins got to play together. we got out of the texas heat. we ate yummy food.
wonderfulness.

but since all my pictures have all the kiddos in it, i shall leave you with this picture of gabe.
he's gonna be mr. july in a fireman's calendar.

longing

2010-08-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

i'd like to take a little time to reflect on a wonderful time in all our lives. a time where temperatures drop below 95 degrees. a time when women no longer wear scantily clad shorts, skirts, and tank tops. a time where i can load the kids into their carseats without needing a towel to catch the dripping sweat. (sexy, huh?)

that's right. i'm talking about fall.

it's only august, and in texas that means that fall is a mere 7 months away. just kidding. 6.

as i took my kids out to the basketball court for them to ride their tricycles, and i realized i was sweating through my shirt, i couldn't help but long for cooler days.

i can't wait for fall magazines with cute centerpieces made from tree bark and pumpkins. i can't wait for the state fair of texas. i can't wait for snuggly time under a blanket watching a scary movie. ahhh.

come on, fall, i'm ready for yah.

yet another one

2010-08-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

so i haven't been around much this past week because our littlest has been in the hospital...yet again.

it is only ok because he is worth it.

but after this 4 day hospital stay, and my husband working overnight all weekend, we are slowly adjusting to even more sleep deprivation and more medications that we have to administer.

see, we have so many meds for him already that we had to buy a rather large tool box to store them all in so they are lockable. (foster care regulations)

but now, we have even more...where are we going to put all these?

the whole thing was just not a pleasant experience. emergency room at 8pm on wednesday, didn't get admitted to a room until 2am, moved rooms 3 times, rude doctor, discrepancies between what our pulmonologist says and what the hospital doctor says, breathing treatments every 2 hours. whew.

i. am. tired.

we got released and arrived home last night around 11:30pm. there's laundry to fold, kitchens to clean (apparently i have several), floors to be mopped, and kids to hug and hold.

i have made a master list, because that's how i roll. and i will slowly but surely check off each box throughout the next two weeks. --this is positive thinking.

God really truly provided for us during our stay. great and wonderful friends brought food, took the kids to the pool, and prayed. i am very grateful.

although we are home, the baby is not totally well. please continue to pray that he would recover fully and that we wouldn't see that hospital again for at least another 5 months!

rearranging

2010-07-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

we've been doing some rearranging around here and now everyone is "fitting" much better. above is our living room during the process. not pretty. not pretty at all.

this is the guest room during the process. it's a big room and we figured it could be put to better use with three boys in there instead of guests randomly coming to visit.
this is the guest room after. the three oldest now sleep here. when i say "sleep," what i really mean is "play loudly until they fall asleep in sheer exhaustion."

here is one of the other bedrooms before. cribs take up so much space. i don't have pics yet of the third bedroom, but i can do those for yah if you really can't handle not knowing.

we changed the room into the guest room. now every room has a purpose and isn't a hodge-podge with cribs to the ceiling. yay! hard work pays off. we have an open house on sunday. we'll see how that goes!

the saga continues

2010-07-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

no adoption in july

it's ok

don't cry about it

that won't do me any good ;)

our poor family tree.

alright here's the skinny on the "adoption that never was" --maybe that's a bit overdramatic... it's just postponed.

the baby, who has nothing to do with the adoption of elijah, hit his head. he fell. babies do this. -on occasion. fell and hit his head on the floor. shocked yet? nope? exactly.

but because he had a big ol' fat bruise on his forehead, i had to let CPS know, who in turn, had to let licensing know.

and then there's this thing called an investigation
it's exactly what it sounds like. and turns out, you can't adopt a kid while there's an open investigation on your home.

SO...we have to postpone it.
and that's ok. because if this was easy, everybody would be doing it. and we like to be the popular kids who try new things ;)

the end

hopelessly generic

2010-07-13T17:25:00.000-07:00

as we have previously established, i am apparently trendy. even though i don't really enjoy trendiness. and lately i have been looking at our suburban life and thinking, "wow. i feel a little generic." this all came about when i was daydreaming about our future home. our house is for sale and i am ready for something different.

we live in suburban san antonio. in a subdivision. need i say more?

there are lots of homes that we've looked at that are similar to the one we have now...but i've been thinking.

dangerous, i know...

and here's what i think about: a barn.

no joke. a big, fat barn and on the inside...loveliness!

i want an acre or two for the kiddos to run around and play. i want an outdoor dining room where we can hang lights in the trees and light wonderful lanterns on the table.

i want home.

family weekend

2010-07-11T19:12:00.000-07:00

we just got home from a lovely weekend with the hubs' side of the family. "uncle squishy", justy-poo's brother, is home from the marines for a really short time. we decided our life needed a little squishiness to it, so we went.

uncle squishy is being deployed soon to serve our country and we needed to give him some extra hugs before he left.

i love being with the hubs and his family. they are huge (in numbers, not in weight hehe) and at any given meal, you are gonna see about 12 people at the table.

and that, my friends, is the kind of family a person should have. momage, my mother-in-law, is unable to cook a meal for one. she cooks in bulk. and it...is...tasty.

and i want you to know that 3 pack-n-plays, 2 packs of diapers, and lots of sippy cups later, we are home and unpacked. the best part was coming home to a clean house, since we cleaned from top to bottom before leaving town so the house could be shown while we were out. any showings? NOPE. but that's ok. a clean house upon our return was lovely.

next up: buying a new washer and dryer. our dryer takes 3xs around before it dries. this is a problem. for earth (being green is trendy and i'm accepting it) and for a busy momma like myself ;)

small tribute

2010-07-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

there are three children in my life that i can't post pictures of, but this one i can.

this is my big man. and it's been awhile since i paid a small tribute to him on this blog.

gabe is my favorite 4 year old in the world.

he's pretty much awesome.

this over here to your left is his intense face. --he's very focused.

gabe has had to deal with a lot over the past year. he went from being an only child to being the oldest of 4. it's a hard life. no doubt.

he's smart and funny and says things like, "you're the best mommy. i can always count on you."
he tells jokes like the interrupting cow joke except he forgets to interrupt.

he looks great in hats, enjoys cuddling, and can race cars in our living room with the best of them.

here's to you, gabe. the love of my life. your squishy nose and big cheeks make me happy.

no diagnosis

2010-06-29T17:41:00.001-07:00

well i have good news and good news.

went to the geneticist today for the little baby and his parents did not come to the appointment, which made for a stress-free, lovely, almost holy experience. ;)

the other good news?
he does NOT have fetal alcohol syndrome. woohooooooooo!

one by one, we are checking off the boxes. no fetal alcohol, no damage from shaken baby. yeehaw!

update

2010-06-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

well we are nearing the end, folks. this sunday, our 90 days are up. --the 90 days the extended family has to come forward and say they want to attempt to get our little man. he will no longer have any ties to the biological family he originated from. sad, yes. but we rejoice that we get to have him as part of our forever family. he will be elijah miguel. elijah means God is my salvation and miguel is one of his names now. this way, we'll have our two angels: gabriel and miguel (michael). everything should be finalized july 23, my parents' 43 anniversary. 2 down, people.
2 more to go.

the two newest boys have pre-trial in august so we will know by august 2nd where this case is headed. it moved so much faster because their case has been open since they were put in the shelter, months before we ever heard of them or received them into our family.

the sell of our house is still up in the air. 4 showings in the past month, but nobody's interested. it's all good. no worries. we live in a 1754 sq ft. house with 4 young children, but we have everything we need. how fortunate are we? very!

we finished up our kelly minter study on ruth and i love it. everybody should do it. apparently there's also a book called "the gospel of ruth," (blasphemous? i don't think so but i did not go to seminary to make that decision, so who knows...) that is also pretty good from what i hear. next up? the excellent wife study by martha peace. good good stuff.

what are y'all up to? what are you learning? what is up-in-the-air in your life?

girls weekend

2010-06-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

sooner than promised, these are the pics from my girls' weekend.

last weekend, i went to visit my friend stormatha, that's what i call her, to hang out and enjoy some relaxation time.

our friend lauren drove down the next day. lovely lovely girl time. i realized half-way there that i had not been away for a fun trip since before we ever had kids. i went to a conference once overnight, but that's not the same.

here's a pic of the place where we stayed. storm is housesitting and so we got to enjoy a beach vacation FO' FREE.
the people who own the place are currently building a house so we enjoyed the smaller quarters out back, complete with a banjo!

we thought this was interesting. whoever wrote this was not overly dramatic. none of that "i love jeff" nonsense. watch your back, jeff.

my favorite part of the weekend was reading trivial pursuit cards to each other while eating yummy friend shrimp and friend okra. (those are the two most important food groups).

storm and i had to walk the dog everyday at the beach. whatcha gonna do? life is hard. walking at the beach, daily, in the breeze, enjoying seagulls (as much as one can) and talking about the creepy old hotel that would be less creepy once remodeled. good times. who could ask for anything more?

after dinner we watched "whip it" which makes me happy. anytime you pair a coming-of-age story with girls being athletic and tough, it rocks my face off.

we stumbled upon a yummy treat by snyder's of hanover. it's pretzel bits that are honey mustard and onion flavored. delicioso!

i actually got some sun, which means my chicken-fleshy-looking legs are less chicken-fleshy-looking.

apparently this poor person lost their shoes and had to endure sharp oyster shells. can you not read the sign? we think it might have been a leprechaun. look at those buckles.

i like this. crabs are much more threatening with teeth. grrrr.

i have no idea who this person in the corner is. -some strange woman. ;)

we had trouble getting a good picture of all of us. you should be appreciative of the fact that i edited these photos and only put up the ones where our eyes are open and not crossed.

here's us. lauren, storm, and myself. now let's put our feet up and relax a bit more.

aaaahhhh

girls weekend coming up

2010-06-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

i went on a girl's weekend to palacious, tx last weekend and i have some cute pics i will share with you soon.

this weekend is being spent eating kolaches and throwing kids onto couch cushions. ;)
hey, you gotta have some fun, right?

missing out

2010-06-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

i was going to do a quick little list of all the happenings around our little home, but instead decided to take my friend's advice and do a PSA regarding biblical adoption. gird your loins. ;)

so a little background: today we had yet another doctor's visit with the bio parents. mom was the only one there. once again she showed up with family who wanted to take pictures and act like everything was hunky dory. --i mean, i know i personally LOVE to take pics of a sick baby in a waiting room to make myself feel like a better parent, but that's just me.

once again she threw a hissy fit about making family LEAVE the waiting room.

once again she made idle chit-chat that i'm pretty certain was approximately 98% false.

once again she acted like she was really informed about the child's health and development.

phone calls were made to me today regarding her falsely identifying herself to a doctor's office to get information about our foster baby.

the baby's big brother who is also our foster child asked for his parents today and got upset when he found out he was going to mother's day out and not to a visit with them, which for most foster parents would hurt a little.

all this to say, it was an interesting day. there are trials. fostering is hard.

and here we go. are you ready?
even though days are frustrating. the process is dumb (for lack of a better word). kids come to you needing love and might leave. sometimes you want to give up...we won't.

why? because although we could easily say that this is for the kiddos, it's for me too.
this has been an incredible pruning process. it has been a challenge, to say the least. as i told a friend earlier today, for those of you who say you couldn't foster because of whatever reason, i have to say you're missing out. you're missing out on endless opportunities to display the love of Christ SELFLESSLY to a child who might not like you, love you, or stay with you. opportunities to see how God works all things for good. opportunities for your own growth in Christ. opportunities for exercising your faith that God is, in fact, sovereign. will HE be sovereign if the child goes back home? what if the child dies when they go back home? would this press you or crush you?

i told someone recently that if CPS had informed us of all of the baby's needs and the big brother's behavior issues, we probably would have said no. ---because there is NO way that we, by ourselves, could do this. in fact, 4 days after we got the new boys, i stood in the kitchen, holding a sick, screaming baby, while one of our little boys screamed half the time and yelled "NO!" the other half, and the other two children acted out to get attention, i said in tears to my mom, "let me just ask the question everybody's thinking: how are we going to do this?"
but you know what? we do it by God's ability and not our own. and HE alone has worked it out. i can honestly give Him all the credit. by saying yes, we allowed ourselves to be open to what God wants for us and how He can equip us. sometimes it's good to be stretched, even though it's painful and difficult. i would NEVER, ever, in a million years, thought i could've done this. but by saying yes, i 've learned how strong i can be in Christ. i now know what i'm made of. what i'm capable of. what i can make do with and without. --because of HIM.

i'm not here to convict you. i just have to say outloud (or on blogger) that from now on, if you say to me the top 5 reasons it's not convenient or practical or doable to foster at this time or any, my answer will now be "well, you're missing out."

nugget of wisdom

2010-06-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

so i'm gonna share something with you guys that i just learned in my Bible study that you probably already know. it's likely, since i'm not the brightest theological crayon in the box.

we're doing a great study by kelly minter called "ruth: loss, love, and legacy." it's been pretty darn enjoyable and you should partake in it with friends and coffee. mmm.

anyways, we're currently wrapping it up but there's a random specific thing that really caught my attention.

at the end of the book of ruth, it goes through the lineage of boaz. in ruth 4:18 it talks about perez having hezron...etc. well eventually you get to the part where it talks about salmon. salmon had boaz, boaz had obed, obed had jesse, and jesse had david.

bear with me. i know geneologies are a bit...um...well let's just say it...boring. but they're not when you get all sorts of dirt on the characters included. in matthew 1 it says that salmon and rahab had boaz. if you read in joshua you'll see rahab was a prostitute. "ooh ahh. a prostitute in the lineage of Jesus," is usually how this is received. but here's what got me:

salmon married a former prostitute, rahab, and had little boaz. cute little boaz. (that's extrabiblical) -who grew up to be the kinsman redeemer of ruth. if you read through ruth, you'll see that boaz saw that ruth was a woman of excellence. -that all the noble and honorable things ruth had done for her mother-in-law had been spoken of to boaz and he found her to be a woman of character. she was a moabitess who left all she had ever known to accompany her mother-in-law to a faraway land where SHE would be a foreigner.

isn't it interesting to know who boaz's mom was? rahab. a prostitute. a canaanite, a foreigner. she, like ruth, saw that God was and is who He says He is. she, like ruth, left her home to be a foreigner in israel.

they say that men marry women like their mothers. :) it makes me look at the redemption story of ruth and naomi differently when i know where boaz came from. he was raised by a godly woman who had been a foreigner herself. rahab is one of only 5 women listed in the geneology of Jesus. to me, it's impressive. rahab raised herself a son of godly character who redeemed a moabitess, who in turn, gave birth to the great, great, great, (etc) grandfather of Jesus.

i bet boaz heard a story or two from his mother when he was growing up. -stories where she talked of where she came from, what it was like to be a foreigner, how she found mercy among the israelites because she had helped them. and then comes ruth. perhaps boaz's mother and her history is part of why he had so much compassion for ruth.

is this interesting to anyone else? can i get an alleluyer!?

good news bad news

2010-06-03T17:57:00.000-07:00

so we have good news and bad news. i'll do the bad news first.

bad news: i had to sit with the baby's bio parents for like a stinkin' hour and a half today while visiting the opthamologist. good good times. i mean...you simply have not lived until you experience an awkward visit with a child's parental unit.

this visit was to rule out/further investigate if the baby has "shaken baby." remember: he had broken ribs when removed from his family. this breakage was consistent with fractures that occur during the shaking of a baby. apparently it's common to have optical damage if the baby was shaken.

good news: the baby has no optical damage. YAY!!!!!

now we are not exactly clear as to whether or not this means that the rib fractures were not created by shaking him (and if it's not a result of shaking him, what caused these broken ribs on a four month old). but regardless, there are no other doctors to see regarding this specific allegation. so that's a good thing!

one doctor down, several more to go. prayers are still very much appreciated, my peeps.

before and after pics

2010-05-31T17:54:00.000-07:00

so embarrassing as this may be, here's my before and after pictures of our master bedroom.

here's the before. we decided to sell an old bookshelf, pack up most of the closet, and buy new furniture.

neither of us have ever had a matching bedroom set before, so it was an exciting day for us.

(please don't judge us from the messiness.)

here's the after picture. we bought our furniture at rooms to go and actually got a free tv. woohoo.

we've now listed the house and it's been on the market since friday. no showings yet. we'll see...we'll see.

more pics to come of the rest of the house. i don't have before and afters, but you'll get to see our show-your-house-at-a-moment's-notice- cleanliness. ;)

clean

2010-05-27T18:44:00.001-07:00

so this morning a maid came to our house and cleaned the whole thing from top to bottom. our wonderful realtor does this for her clients before putting the house on the market. isn't that sweet?

let's bask in the glory of a clean house. mmm...smell that smell? that's the smell of CLEAN, baby.

so as of tonight at 7pm, our house is on the market. let's pray it sells in a few days. --because keeping this joint clean for more than 2 minutes at a time is pretty darn close to impossible.

almost before and after

2010-05-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

despite the fact this blog never has pictures, i actually DO love them. the problem is most of my pics are of my children. and since 3 of them aren't bought and paid for (it's a joke, people. we here at marge's house do not actually believe in baby markets) we can't post pics of them. but come july (yep...july!) i will probably have a picture of a little man to show you. he will finally be ours. could life get any better?

anyway, this post was supposed to be about our lovely bedroom furniture that we just got. i had great before and after pictures in mind. except there's a problem. it's still....not.....here.

yep. i've waited all day long, and i DO mean all day. they could've been here at 8, but no.
could've been here around lunch, but no.
could've been here during nap and wake up the kiddos and i wouldn't have cared, but no.
it's 2:36 and they've not shown up yet.

so no lovely before and after pictures yet. but i promise they're coming.
because here's the deal:
the lack of posts and the pretty before and after pictures are all representative of yet another life change.
we're putting our house on the market. some might say, "well marge, you have three 'pending' children in your home, a sick baby most of the time, a husband who recently graduated from grad school, and other little details that make your life interesting" and then i say, "thanks you're so kind. thanks for paying attention," and then you say, "but isn't this a bit much? don't you need some sort of stability?" to which i would say, "why of course not. where's your sense of adventure?" and then you'd say, "well marge, you amaze me."
--i love our conversations. you always say the most insightful things. ;)

we found a house we pretty much love the mostest, but we want to sell our house before buying another. crazy you say? well that's how we do things around here. could this mean we end up homeless with 4 small children for possibly several months at a time? yep. woohoo!

so we've been working like crazy people cleaning, packing, staging, gardening, and the like.
and we will put our house on the market in about 5 days.
total time spent preparing the house for sale: 2 weeks.
what was on our to-do list you ask?
make a flower bed/weed, put up iron art outside, hang shutters outside, clean up toys, paint living room, clean out closets to show size, pressure wash sidewalk, get bedroom furniture to show off our loveliness, clean out and streamline laundry room, put mulch around trees, get kitchen cleaned up with nothing on fridge and a pretty pantry, sort through everything to do a garage sale, sell our playground out back, and much much more. we only have a few things left. we are quite the overachievers. whew. i need to sit down.

so next time i promise...before and after pictures.

acceptance

2010-05-08T17:24:00.000-07:00

i have a confession to make.

you might need to sit down.

despite the title of this blog, i have been told by a dear friend of mine that i might, in fact be, "trendy." i think she may be right. my name is marge, and i am trendy.

i know. i know. this devastates me too.

but the first step is to admit you have a problem.

i drive a suburban, i own an iphone, i live in a new subdivision, i own TOMS, i have exotic children who are adopted/foster, i blog.

i confess this so we can all grow closer. the truth shall set you free. i have no intention of changing any of these trendy things about myself. so i guess from now on the blog will be called "in utter acceptance of trendy-ness."

my blooming miracle

2010-04-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

look closely at this picture. notice anything interesting? besides the slinky. yep. that's a sock in the orchid. my orchid bloomed a sock. this is quite indicative of my life. something stinky in a pot with something beautiful. ;) that's my life in an orchid planter, i mean...a nutshell.

here's some of the goings-ons, since i need a blog break from the kiddos. my top 6 (i try not to conform):
1. the hubs is ready for graduation. me too.
2. the eldest is saying hilarious things like "in the beginning, God made mommy."
3. today i rebelled against chores and accomplished nothing around the house except loading and starting the dishwasher.

4. i had a heart-to-heart last night with the training coordinator of our adoption/foster agency for like an hour and it was so good for my soul. she is wonderful. we're like peas and carrots. ;) there's something to be said for people in my life who have no pity for foster children (because they don't need your pity), who will be upfront with me about the risks associated with fostering (i'm sick of sugarcoating the situation and/or putting foster parents on pedestals), and who can tell me they've been right where i'm at (she was a foster parent for like 20 years). here's my shout-out to linda. wooop.
5. blue bell makes banana pudding icecream (thanks amanda jo) and it kinda rocks my face off. really. yum.
blue bell: if you would like to pay me to endorse the best icecream in the country, i'm here for yah.
6. matt maher is my new fave artist at the moment. all his songs make me happy. go enjoy "no greater love"and tell me if you think he's like a refreshing drink of something tingly and carbonated.

how many can you name?

2010-04-26T17:13:00.000-07:00

sorry that there haven't been many posts recently. besides being busy with our small tribe, i am a bit sickly and the hubs has been using the computer to finish grad school projects so he can graduate in MAY!! woohoooooooo!

i promise that soon there will be a light-hearted post that is full of blooms and blossoms and happy birds singing. but today, an update.

so more doctors for the baby. i know what you're thinking, "but marge, don't you have four children. why is every post about the youngest?" well, he's a bit of a high-maintenance dude. there are so many specialists that we are supposed to go see over the next few months. i need to schedule all of the appointments, and as we talked about last time, the parents are supposed to go with me. (cringe). here's what the docs are thinking:

1. geneticist to identify if the baby has fetal alcohol syndrome

2. ENT to put tubes in his ears

3. GI doctor to address his reflux

4. endocrinologist to identify why he's small/underweight, even though he was a preemie and he is now a chunk.

5. opthamologist to look into shaken baby syndrome

6. continue on with pulmonologist for asthma related symptoms

7. blood work up to determine if the baby has any allergies to wheat/soy/milk etc

--if we had a test later, how many would you be able to name? the hubs could only list two.

i promise i am not a hypochondriac. CPS and our pediatrician have referred us to all these doctors. a bit overwhelming, if you ask me. when i worked in ECI (early childhood intervention), we dealt with lots of parents who were in the process of getting a diagnosis for their child. there was a mourning process for them once they got that diagnosis. a mourning for the hopes and dreams they had for their child, and the realization that the life the child would have might be different. it didn't mean they had to change the dreams for their child, but they would have to realize that there might be obstacles that they would have to face together.

when i heard the words "shaken baby" and "fetal alcohol syndrome," my heart sank. i have worked with children who have both of these diagnoses, so i know what they entail. both of these diagnoses are absolutely, 100% avoidable. sad, isn't it? a mom's choices live with a child forever. (no pressure).

so over the next few months, we will be meeting all of these fabulous doctors, and hopefully we'll get more information that can help us address any of the baby's needs.

please pray for us as we get all of this information, wait in waiting rooms, find childcare for the other children, and deal with each diagnosis as it comes.

so here's our drama

2010-04-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

as noted on the previous post, we are having some baby mama drama. --or baby daddy drama. basically, fostering drama, i guess you could say.

i can't go into certain details, but i'll try to still keep it interesting ;)

last week there was a hearing for the parents regarding our two new boys. the parents really want the boys back. CPS is concerned whether or not the parents could handle such a sick baby, although the older boy has no "serious" concerns. --which is a load of poo, because he DOES have issues. i have told the caseworker she needs to document all the concerns we're seeing with him so that they don't downplay his needs. right now we're working on the fact that he has no boundaries, an inability to comply with directions, is unaware of cause and effect, and demonstrates no remorse, etc).

during the hearing, it was decided that the parents would be required to find their own transportation to all of the baby's doctors appointments, including emergency appointments. (even though CPS still provides transportation to visits at the CPS office, since they live several hours away. could we get some consistency please?) so i had to give the state all the information for each doctors appointment for them to pass along to the parents. let me paint you a picture: the last ER visit i attended lasted over 3 hours. how would you like to spend time with your foster child's bio parents while you care for a sick baby who can't breathe in the ER? awkward!

now the next part is what gets me. i don't know why. it might be because i think the state does too much hand-holding of bio parents, or it might be because i think parents should be encouraged to do things themselves, or it might be because i love these babies and don't think the parents can make the cut... whatever the reason, THIS is the part that infuriates me:

the judge ordered that the parents be given not only the doctor's names and dates/times of the appointments, but also a map with a HIGHLIGHTED route to the office.

um, are you kidding me? can we get a little initiative please? i have 4 different doctors that just ONE of my children will see over the next 3 months, and no one gave me a highlighted map so i could find their offices. i don't think it's too much to ask to find your OWN way to the doctor's offices. my goodness. i mean, you're gonna have a very sick kiddo. you're gonna need to figure out some stuff on your own.

anyways, DNA testing for the older little man happens monday. we were told we were going to have to take him 2 hours away to complete the testing. i was a bit miffed about that too. they pulled some strings and now i just have to take him downtown. --it's a big blessing! the alleged daddy is in jail, and they have to confirm he's the dad before an extended family member can have a homestudy done to see if they can have the little guy, so who knows what will happen with all that.

baby's broken ribs when he entered into care are consistent with a specific form of abuse, which makes it even harder to think that they might send him back. i would love to break THEIR ribs, but that's not too loving, i guess.

all this to say, while we work within a broken, crappy, horrid system, WE are here to provide love and care and a godly influence to these children while they are with us, no matter how long they're with us. and that, plus a lot of prayer, is all we can do. and it is enough.

unusual surprises are the best

2010-04-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

hello peeps. how goes it? sorry my entires are sporadic. there are several reasons for this:

1. sometimes i have nothing nice to say, and my momma always said, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

2. the boys keep me busy

and

3. i haven't been doing anything new or exciting

but yesterday was wonderful, so i thought i'd post about our adventures before another week begins. oh! and i have drama. but maybe i'll wait on that. (i think it's interesting that i am in a monogamous, loving marital relationship, yet still have all sorts of drama with baby mamas and the sort... keeps life interesting i guess.)

yesterday our plan of attack was to get up late, get all our junk together, and head out to our church's new playground to just get out and about for awhile. if i have an extra set of hands, i want OUT of the house. so the hubs needed pants hemmed, (since he's 6'5" and has to order pants from a catalog, they never come to our house ready-to-wear) we were planning on heading over to the alterations place and then heading back toward home and the playground. instead it took FOREVER for him to get his pants to the guy. instead of the kids and i waiting in the car, we visited a church playground across the street. (and SO glad i did, because little did we know it would take the hubs somewhere close to 45 minutes to get the guy to measure them.) the boys had so much fun. it was a gorgeous day outside, despite the pollen, and the playground was actually age-appropriate. (imagine that!)

since we were already on that side of town, the hubs went across the street and bought a pizza. we all sat down at the park and enjoyed our unhealthy lunch, then went house browsing. (i desperately want to move but it's not the time.) we had fun daydreaming about where we could live and where the kids would play. --really any house with a front yard that doesn't have a hill that leads to death and destruction would be a move up for us.

the best part? we returned home to put the kids down for nap and i got a pedicure. now my soul and my feet are happy!

i'll save the drama for another entry. this one is too peaceful to ruin it with baby mama drama. how was your weekend?

nothing to worry about

2010-04-02T18:38:00.001-07:00

so now that we've celebrated the wonderful news of monkey possibly being ours forever and ever amen, let's talk about the recent chaos.

for spring break, the hubs led a mission trip to mexico to work at an orphanage. while my hubbie was away, my mom came to help out. why? because she's awesome. and because she knew how hard it would be for me to take care of four children four and under by myself all week long. and i DO mean ALL...WEEK...LONG. she was amazing. a laundry wizard, and a dish-doin' fanatic. props, mama. mad props to yah.

well the hubs was supposed to return that saturday afternoon and relieve me of my "shift" (which really means i thought he'd feel horrible about leaving me all alone and offer to let me go get a pedicure while he watched the children) (i know. i'm delusional.)

-this is not what happened.

instead, the hubs came home only to badly hurt his back while i was in the ER with our sickly baby. there's nothing like getting a phone call from your husband while IN the hospital with a child, where he tells you he has help coming, but he's on the floor and can't move.

-um...what am i supposed to do with this information?

so he's in pretty bad shape and has been in bed for the two weeks since then. but you know what was a little funny? 3 grown adults hoisting a 6'5" man into bed by using belts strapped around him. kinda funny. come on, don't feel bad. you can laugh. the only good thing about him being stuck in bed is that he can easily feed the baby his bottle and do his breathing treatments while i care for the others. -which is not a small blessing at all.

but i don't think i have to tell the mamas out there what it's like to think help is coming, a break is in sight, and then the bottom falls out. you're stuck with no light at the end of the tunnel. that's what it was like. hubs comes home: yay! hubs gets hurt: suck a duck!

the following is to just let you know (in case you thought fostering is an easy task or that we are special, lovely people who love children and rainbows and ponies and everything is like fairy farts around here) that we are struggling: on monday i lost it. i mean lock-yourself-in-the-bathroom-and-cry-yourself-to-sleep kind of lost it. it was bad. no one was harmed in the making of this mental breakdown, but it wasn't pretty. we called the case manager to put in our 30 days notice to send the 2 new boys to another home. this was so hard for us, since i have a sincere issue with sending kids away when the going gets rough. you can't send away bio kids, so we shouldn't have the choice to send away foster children either. but we were past our breaking point.

we discussed the possibilities with our case manager: hiring a live-in nanny to help me, the hubs could drop a class to be home more, move the baby to a medically fragile home so he could get healthy and then move him back to us, move both boys to a new home where they can get more individual care.

--we decided to wait a few days and reassess/pray during this time.

well we are NOT putting in our 30 days notice. we had such a peace in saying yes to these children, surely God is going to see us through when it's at its worst. and at the end of it all, we will have an amazing testimony of how God did it even when we thought we couldn't. it's our job as parents not to see children as they are, but to see what they can be. God does that with us all the time. so instead of seeing the baby as a little sickly guy who needs constant care and concern and medical attention, we will choose to see a godly man in the making. a man who has overcome all odds because God has a plan for him. instead of a defiant, obstinate toddler, we will choose to see a man who will someday use his unique abilities to be a leader among men for God.

we took practical steps to ensure that we can improve the way we care for them so they can stay and we will not lose our minds (at least not as often). we have made an emergency list of people to call in case the baby has to go into the hospital again. we have hired a part time nanny who will help out with our day-to-day routine. (--which i am pretty much ecstatic about,) and the hubs only has 3 more weeks of school left, so that'll be yet another thing to check off the list.

God has provided for us yet again. it does not go unnoticed. He has blessed us beyond measure, so that we can bless these little men.

as i sat in our bed last night, all the kids asleep, the hubs snoring loudly, and the knowledge that a nanny starts monday, i realized.. i have nothing to worry about. ;)

one step closer to elijah

2010-03-29T12:13:00.000-07:00

i have been biding my time, people. waiting, patiently waiting, for the time to tell you that parental rights were terminated for my little man (monkey). YIPPPPPEEEEEE!

we had a permanency hearing last week and knew that this would be the probable result, but didn't want to count our chickens before they hatched. and as of today at 9:30am, monkey's bio parents have no rights to him anymore.

the court has to have grounds to terminate rights, and so they state something like a charge against the parents. the charge against them was "constructive abandonment." i know where monkey comes from, i know what they did to him, i know how better off he is with us, i know how much we love him and how he fits in our family just perfectly. but it still hurt my heart to hear "constructive abandonment." my baby, as of this morning, is technically an orphan. he no longer has "parents" from his biological family. they have no rights to him. we are legally not his parents. it made me cry. i did NOT think i would have this reaction, but it caught me off guard. my little man legally no longer belongs to the family that brought him into this world. it truly is heartbreaking.

in our family, we have made up a song about the process to get monkey. it goes "one step closer to elijah" and we jam out to it. the kids don't know what it means, but they have fun dancing nonetheless.

what's next? we wait 90 days for extended family to come forward and attempt at getting him (which is unlikely because even his bio mom is a foster child which proves there's no appropriate guardians that are biologically related). after the 90 days, paperwork begins to adopt him. and then we'll have our elijah james.

God has seen us through this since may 27, 2009. He has held us in the palm of His hand when we cried over our 13 month old who had scars, bruises, and a bleeding diaper rash. -who wasn't able to crawl and was barely able to sit up. God has carried me through the not-knowing. and even if the result had been different, would would have been ok.

thank you for your prayers during this time. i have more to report on other happenings, but we'll have to wait until later.

round here

2010-03-18T20:08:00.000-07:00

hello.

how are you guys doing?

it's been rough here while the hubs has been gone on the mission trip.

but we've all had enough with me talking about life being difficult, so let's move on.

i'll give you the skinny on all the goings-on:
1. my mom is fantastic! she came in to help us out while the hubs was away and let me just say, she is a laundry goddess (and good company too)
2. i would love a nap
3. had wine, cheese, crackers, and grapes with a wonderful friend and it was exactly what i needed
4. about 48 hours and counting until the hubs returns. we are desperately trying to avoid going to the ER with the baby until then. yes...he's sick again. feel like we've had this discussion before?
5. it's spring here in san antonio and it's all because God knew my boys needed outdoor time in order for them to remain alive
6. you know what's yummy? chips ahoy chewy cookies. up until 6pm today, that's all i had eaten
7. the throw up smell in the boys' room is almost gone. don't ask.
8. i'm having a maid come to my house and deep clean next week. my baseboards will finally be dusted! guests + no cleaning = amazingness.
9. triple bday party coming up for all three older boys. apparently we're obsessed with cars now, so that shall be the theme
10. my guilty pleasure is the real housewives on bravo. i'm watching it right now

anyways, nothing exciting to report. just life.

an outting

2010-03-12T13:04:00.001-08:00

so we all went to chickfila today. myself and the four boys. no additional help. this was our first time doing this.

this is a big deal.

a very big deal.

i was prepared...i packed cups, wipes, diapers, and food for the baby.

i had a talk with the boys before we went in.

and they behaved.

they......

....behaved.

shock and awe, people...shock and awe.
this might not be surprising to anyone else, but it's quite the shocker for me. when people complimented me on them, i told them with complete truth that it was God's provision or pure luck that, at this very moment, they were not biting, hitting, yelling, scratching, crying, or throwing food. they laughed. little did they know that there is nothing humorous about 3 toddlers/preschoolers slapping the snot out of each other at the dinner table.

so this was a victorious day. and no matter what else happens today: the ugly cry, lack of sharing, or throwing my freshly folded laundry all over the living room, i will remember that, for a meal in public, my children behaved.

"victory is mine trebek."

a few weeks

2010-03-08T19:43:00.000-08:00

so in 15 days, we will be in court for our little man. it'll be the pre-trial date to determine if the parents will get an extension or if rights will be terminated.

i am thinking about it non-stop. and praying about it constantly.

we want our little monkey FOREVER. and even if they terminate, it's not certain we'll get him. extended family has 90 days after that to come forward. on the other side, even if they offer an extension, it doesn't mean we will lose him. they could still not achieve their plan's goals and rights would then be terminated. then the 90 days for extended family would begin.

so basically we have awhile longer on this whole ordeal.

but i am eager to see how God works this out. my arms would feel so empty without him there. so i'm going to press on, knowing God has complete control over all of this.

but you better believe this: if we find out that rights are being terminated in a few weeks, you will hear a yell coming from the direction of san antonio that is the most victorious sound you've ever heard. that'll be me.

finished project

2010-02-28T13:40:00.000-08:00

back by popular demand, here are more pics of our antique room. most everything belonged to a family member. i know the hub's mom has awesome antiques and wonderful old pics, but i have not even thought until this moment to ask her for any she's not using. --that way, it could be a room that represents both of our families. hmmm... something to think on.

anyways, this is our seating area. the phone is actually from my house growing up. we didn't have a cordless phone until i was like in the 8th grade.

quilt: dad's mom, pillows: me, phone table: dad's family, rocker: mom's family

i think i've already shown you guys these cuter than cute vintage pins. they were my mom's. i stole this idea of displaying them in a pretty dish from liz at mabel's house. you should go chack her out.

so are you ready? i finished my project of the antique frame today while the baby was sleeping.

wait for it

wait for it
TA - DA!!!

my plan is to paint the frame with some sage green paint or light blue and then wipe it off so it leaves just a little bit of the paint behind. i'm sure there's a name for this kind of "treatment" but i have no idea what it is.
inside the frame: a farmer's almanac from 1918 open to the month of march, the address and advertising info for my great great (?) aunt's drugstore, and the pic of the drugstore. i used burlap behind the pics. i know it's a bit beige, but with the paint on the frame that i'll add later, i think it'll balance it out.

so there you go...our antique room. -- a work in progress.

antique room

2010-02-23T18:38:00.000-08:00

so here's a much needed break from "the children" --insert dum dum dum!!!

i can't remember if i've posted about our guest room much...so if you've seen this pic before, i am sorry for my negligence.

here's our guest bed. i have plans for this room. sage paint on the walls, different lamp shades, cute bedside tables that aren't meant to sit next to couches, you know the drill.

i've been sleeping in this room with the baby in a pack n play (the baby sleeps in the pack n play, not me.) and i have to say it's not as clean as it was in this pic. i made those throw pillows though, so does that give me some bonus points?

i have an antique frame from our extended family that hangs on a wall in this room that you can't see. and my mom gave me some old pics that i will put in there as well as a farmer's almanac from 1918 that will be included. i just need a few minutes to head on down to hobby lobby or something and get some scrapbook paper to put behind the pics. oooh! or maybe some fabric instead! ooh! i like that!

you wanna know a shocking fact? the hubs does NOT love antiques. i think they tell a story. he thinks they look dingy. i tell him all the time that if he wasn't around, i'd have antiques all over the place. he doesn't like that idea so much. if i had the choice, i'd pick the hubs over antiques... but i'd rather not choose ;)

chaos ensues

2010-02-19T12:25:00.001-08:00

you know what the problem is with being exhausted and stretched in at least 5 different directions? not having positive things to say when people call to check up on you. as i told a friend yesterday, this sucks. it's the hardest thing i've ever done. i would NEVER recommend it to ANYONE. i am sick of poopy diapers, washing bottles, bite marks, screaming, whining, sleepless nights, and an unclean house.

now, if you write me a comment and say "oh marge, don't worry about cleaning the house." i will hunt you down and force you to clean my baseboards and bathrooms. if you write me a comment that says, "hang in there marge," then you will be asked to babysit every friday night for the rest of 2010. so carefully choose your words.

don't worry about me. platitudes are not necessary. (do i get bonus points for using the word "platitude?") just pray for us. there is no relief in sight. the hubs is leaving over spring break to a mission trip and i will be all alone with no mother's day out to relieve me. i usually don't tell people before the hubs or i leave town because i think there's some small chance someone might figure out where we live and steal all our valuables (which would include things like baby bottles and poopy diapers, as previously discussed). i'm telling you this so you can pray to the Lord God above that our children will remain alive and in tact.

so know that we are ok. we are not great. we are not horrible. 4 boys under the age of 4 sucks. but God called us to do it, and we're doing it. joyfully? maybe not, but we're doing it all the same.

go buy yourself some starbucks or go skipping through target. --and i will live vicariously through you.

don't want no drama, mama

2010-02-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

and we're home. i haven't blogged lately because our littlest munchkin was in the hospital from saturday morning until wednesday night. it was a very long time! my mom came in to help out the hubs while i was at the hospital. i only left twice, and both times something bad happened. :(

we found out that our little moose has had pneumonia around 5-10 times in his short little life. and there's pretty much no doubt in the doctors' minds that he will end up BACK in the hospital sooner rather than later, just because he was a preemie, he's been super sick, and anything he gets sick with turns into something bad pretty quickly.

the good news is that the meds seem to be working. we get to use an inhaler now instead of using the nebulizer all the time. this saves about 10 minutes every 4 hours. wonderful! i can use it easily while still taking care of my other children, instead of having to sit with the baby in my arms for 10-15 minutes at a time without the ability to get up. this has been hard, especially with the discipline issues we're having with the kiddos during this time of transition and adjustment.

anyways, we are home. he is sleeping great, eating great, and smiling.
he even rolled over for the first time tonight!!! what a great moment!

on a sadder note: monkey's bio mom gets out of jail this week or next. she seems to be really interested in getting him back, and we're just not sure how that will pan out. march 23 is the pre-trial hearing. so continued prayers are appreciated. --i feel selfish, always asking for prayers. we apparently have quite the dramatic life! we want all our boys to be loved, cared for, and taught about the Lord. monkey's safety and security are in question if he goes back to a family that has a long history of abuse and neglect.

anyways, thank you all for the love and support.
can i do anything for you???

monkey

2010-02-03T19:49:00.001-08:00

we had a meeting with everybody involved in monkey's case today. it went well. in a little over a month, they could terminate parental rights, meaning we are closer to having him forever.

i'm trying not to get my hopes up, but we are so blessed to have him and we would love to be his forever family.

and then i'd get to put up his cute little face on this blog...which i know you're dying to see.

please continue to pray for us to adopt monkey as our son. we've had him for about 8 months now, and it's hard to imagine our family without him.

despite the huge bite mark

2010-01-29T18:30:00.000-08:00

there was a wee incident in our home this morning. it involved the new kiddo biting another kiddo. i heard crying but didn't rush right in, because at this house, there is always crying. most of the time it's me. (haha)

anyways, at the time it looked like just a small bite by monkey's eye...but NOW, it looks like somebody socked it to him. it's pretty ugly. poor baby. and what's interesting? he bites too. you'd think after a moment like that, you'd think to yourself, "hmmm. biting hurts me. i guess i shouldn't do it to others." --but alas, this is not the case, because children are not logical beings. -go figure.

but the real news?? the rest of the day has been great! we went to sam's because they have a double seater shopping cart. it was our maiden voyage alone without help. the man at the door said, "four, huh? wow!" --to which i said, "yeah, i think about that everyday."

we attended sonic happy hour because the boys did so great. and enjoyed snack in the car. the baby, although sick, slept well. the boys took good naps. they helped clean up. they didn't violently attack each other any time i left the room (well, except for the malicious carnivorous activities of the morning). it's really been the best day so far.

and jack rabbit is actually listening and obeying, which is HUGE! more than half the time today he actually did what was asked of him. this is amazing!

the baby is on meds AGAIN but cps called to say that there's a "service manager" that is assigned to our case. she's a nurse, and she can answer any questions i have about the baby's medical stuff... regarding the insurance, prescription info, or even concerns about his health. they were thinking he might have to be considered "medically fragile" which is NOT good for us because that would mean they'd move him (we are not trained to be a medically fragile home).
but he doesn't meet the criteria, so he's sticking with us. -all this to say, i am very excited about our service manager, because his medical needs are such that it is hard to keep up with all the specialists and appointments AND take care of 3 other living individuals.

so, God once again saves the day. He's truly the only way i am doing this, because visions of locking myself in my closet and crying myself to sleep are never far off. but today was better. and maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will be better too.

we're movin' right along

2010-01-22T19:04:00.001-08:00

it's been a hard transition with everybody being sick. i took moose to the doctor this week and then took the older 3 boys to the doctor the next day. the gunk. and now everybody's on meds. guess what? with foster care, you get to fill out a med sheet for every med a child is on. 3 kiddos who are foster children+ several meds + med sheets =a lot of paperwork.

jack rabbit (the 22 mo old) has turned out to be quite the little tooter rooter. we are currently dealing a lot with behavior issues. what's working best right now is to ignore the grunting and aggressive behavior and the "NO"s and praise good behavior. unfortunately, anyone who knows me knows i have trouble ignoring the not-so-good stuff.

this is not to complain, we are so BLESSED! -but i'd like to be realistic so anybody out there thinking taking on 2 new kids is easy can see a glimpse of the fun we're having.

the baby is getting on a schedule. he's responding well to it, and that means more than 1 1/2 hours of sleep at a time for me. woohoo! nobody ever told me how much the baby would take over not only our daily life, but our home. there are bottles, blankets, burp cloths, and formula everywhere.

otter and monkey are adjusting, cute as ever. the eldest is having the hardest time. i really think we need to change their names to ghetto fabulous ones. i'll keep thinking on that.

we had our first visit with bio parents this week for the two new boys. it was really awkward and more difficult than i thought it would be. i've thought a lot about meeting monkey's mom and never have, but i hadn't really adjusted to having the two new boys in my home before CPS was calling me to schedule the visits.
i have to say, i don't think the state of texas has it set up very well. i met the bio parents and everything. if they wanted, they could probably follow me home. (sadly, i am paranoid, and actually DID check my rear-view mirror many times during the drive to make sure i wasn't being followed. bio dad looked like he could beat me up if he wanted.) we truly have NO idea how long they'll be with us. but think about it, if they stay with us, we will have all our children out of the house by the time i'm 45.

i'm gonna be one hot mama when all my boys move out and go to their state schools that are PAID for, because if you are adopted over the age of 2 and are a minority, or are part of a sibling group that's adopted, you get FREE college tuition to any state school. --thru a doctorate. something else you might not know, you get a monthly stipend, medicaid until they're 18, and all lawyer expenses are paid for the adoption. this is all if they're over 2 and a minority, a sibling group of any age, or a caucasian child over the age of 6. so there is assistance for families adopting thru the state. spread the news. these are not good reasons to adopt, but it takes away some of the reasons people use NOT to adopt.

so anyways, i still haven't figured out how to take them all shopping with me, but we are getting better about loading up the car, taking walks, nap times, bath times, etc. when i start getting frustrated or overwhelmed, i just remember what it was like last week at this time, and how much i've learned since then. one of my friends said to give it 6 weeks. --take that time to get down a routine, initiate discipline with the 22 mo old, and establish myself as the caregiver. i bet in 6 weeks, i'll have this thing down pat. ;)

amos story

2010-01-19T19:20:00.000-08:00

my friend, lauren, sent this to a few of us about a worship leader and his wife. they have been in the process of adopting two beautiful children from haiti for the past few years. it's been a difficult process, but thankfully they were able to go get their daughter, story, a few months ago but they are still waiting for the arrival of their son, amos, who was in Port-a-prince when the earthquake hit. thankfully he was not harmed. please pray for this family. adoption is such a struggle. i can't imagine the struggle that goes along with international adoption.

Amos Story - Music Video - Aaron Ivey

www.youtube.com

the tough part is mostly over

2010-01-16T18:47:00.000-08:00

so i took moose to the hospital last night because he was wheezing so badly. after several breathing treatments, he responded well and is now eating, sleeping, and smiling. he was not admitted, but that meant we got home last night around 10:30pm. it was a rough day and a rough night, but today has been 100% better.

my parents are wonderful and the momage (my mom-in-law) is wonderful and we have lots of help.

otter and monkey are adjusting well to having new kiddos in the home. monkey will lay on his stomach to watch the 7 month old play on the floor. it's pretty adorable. chin in hands, feet flopping around, monkey LOVES this baby.

the hubs stayed home from a trip to mexico he was supposed to go on. he is a keeper. i love him and am very grateful for him staying home.

everyone has been so helpful. we have only bought formula and diapers. the rest was donated to us. we lack nothing. isn't that an amazing testimony of the Lord's provision?
the moment after we agreed to take these boys, things started happening. donations started flooding in. we have so many clothes, we don't know what to do with them all. now all i need is someone to fold my laundry and help us get ready for our health inspection on tuesday. any takers? ;)

prayers have been wonderful. we are so appreciative. i TRULY never thought our life would be like this. i said i never wanted another kid under 2, God gave us a little baby. i said i wouldn't be ready for more kids until our youngest was over 5, and he's only 1 1/2. God has bigger plans than what we have for ourselves. the hubs and i, of our own strength, cannot do this. but God can do it! --what an adventure!

anyways, it's sad i can't put up pictures, because our family is a good lookin' one! people say the baby looks like moose, and i think jack rabbit looks like our eldest. by the way, i think we should maybe change their names to ghetto-fabulous names. like ga-rizzle. what do you think?

welcome home

2010-01-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

so the boys are home. we are now a family of 6!
whew!
my back hurts, my head hurts, my feet hurt...you name it, it hurts.
we got moose from the hospital much later than expected, and then met jack rabbit at home later.
jack rabbit is super clingy and has adjusted well to me, but won't let anyone else touch him. he already calls me "mommy," although i never told him to call me that. (since they're having visits with their bio mom, i didn't know what he should call me.)

it's weird because jack rabbit is less than a month older than monkey but he talks so much more!

moose has been crying all evening long. i have not yet found the trick to making him stop. at this moment, he's sitting in a swing and calming himself by literally sucking on his entire hand. wait...wait...and now he's crying again. i have held him, rocked him, fed him, changed him, bounced him, sang to him, and nothing has worked. i am not sure what it is: the overload of leaving a hospital after being there a month, coming off serious medications, being in a new place, being with a new family, reflux that we have no medication for because medicaid sucks, nausea/heartburn/indigestion/upset stomach/diarrhea...to which we would only need to give him pepto bismol and he'd be a-ok.

the hubs is home, my parents are visiting, and the hub's mom is coming on saturday. so we have help. and we have had so many people offer to do whatever we need. the problem seems to be that i can't leave the children's side, so i need people to do all these random things like throw away old bottles and change poopy diapers and install car seats and sort clothes and enter medication logs for fostering.

i am doing ok....i am doing ok...i am doing ok....if you say it more than once, it makes it true right?

it is rough, but you know what? with monkey, it was SO rough that i literally called the hubs sobbing after taking him to the doctor the first time. it was bad. i mean really bad. it was the lowest point of my entire life for reasons i can't fully remember or explain. he was in bad shape and i was not prepared at all mentally or physically or emotionally for an emergency placement where the child was severely neglected. so while this is tough, i have help. i am prepared to be at home without leaving for long periods of time. it's a transition, and i don't do well with those, but we can handle it. God knew what He was doing when He gave us 4 children under the age of 4, and the joy of the Lord is my strength.

thank you guys for all your prayers and support. we need ALL the help we can get.
i love each and every one of you!

goodnight and goodluck

12 hours to go

2010-01-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

we are blessed beyond measure.

to the left, the closet that was clean and tidy last week? hmmm...

we've gotten so many donations of clothes, diapers, bottles, and so much more.

and bibs. we now have lots of bibs.

--and we need them, because apparently young babies spit everywhere.

i pick up one kiddo at the hospital tomorrow morning and the other kiddo comes later in the day from the shelter.

so here's what i've decided: our preschooler will be called otter (long story). our toddler who we've had for several months will be monkey (not to rip you off lena). the new toddler will be named jack rabbit, and the infant will be called moose. i know it sounds complicated, but i need to be able to refer to them quicker and am now trying not to use names.

here's some of the donations we've received so far. thanks to my friend missie who has helped out enormously. she had friends donate to us that i don't even know. i was worried i wouldn't be able to thank her friends and do you know what? she even addressed thank you notes to them so i could write them our thanks! what a great friend, huh?

i still need to sort stuff, get more hangers, and sanitizes bottles. we are just plugging along.

i got to spend some time with moose today at the hospital and he's doing so great! he smiles and coos and laughs. everybody at the hospital loves him.

i think one of the hardest parts of all this is the realization that my house, as it is now, is the cleanest it is going to be for a LONG, LONG while. and i like cleanliness. ah, well. you live and learn and then get dirty.

please continue to pray for us. i can seriously feel the peace of God throughout the day when i begin to feel frazzled.

i won't be able to post pictures, but hopefully tomorrow i can blog and tell you guys how our first day went with all 4 of our boys.

...and here...we...gooooooooooooo!