my blooming miracle

look closely at this picture. notice anything interesting? besides the slinky. yep. that's a sock in the orchid. my orchid bloomed a sock. this is quite indicative of my life. something stinky in a pot with something beautiful. ;) that's my life in an orchid planter, i mean...a nutshell.

here's some of the goings-ons, since i need a blog break from the kiddos. my top 6 (i try not to conform):
1. the hubs is ready for graduation. me too.
2. the eldest is saying hilarious things like "in the beginning, God made mommy."
3. today i rebelled against chores and accomplished nothing around the house except loading and starting the dishwasher.

4. i had a heart-to-heart last night with the training coordinator of our adoption/foster agency for like an hour and it was so good for my soul. she is wonderful. we're like peas and carrots. ;) there's something to be said for people in my life who have no pity for foster children (because they don't need your pity), who will be upfront with me about the risks associated with fostering (i'm sick of sugarcoating the situation and/or putting foster parents on pedestals), and who can tell me they've been right where i'm at (she was a foster parent for like 20 years). here's my shout-out to linda. wooop.
5. blue bell makes banana pudding icecream (thanks amanda jo) and it kinda rocks my face off. really. yum.
blue bell: if you would like to pay me to endorse the best icecream in the country, i'm here for yah.
6. matt maher is my new fave artist at the moment. all his songs make me happy. go enjoy "no greater love"and tell me if you think he's like a refreshing drink of something tingly and carbonated.

how many can you name?

sorry that there haven't been many posts recently. besides being busy with our small tribe, i am a bit sickly and the hubs has been using the computer to finish grad school projects so he can graduate in MAY!! woohoooooooo!

i promise that soon there will be a light-hearted post that is full of blooms and blossoms and happy birds singing. but today, an update.

so more doctors for the baby. i know what you're thinking, "but marge, don't you have four children. why is every post about the youngest?" well, he's a bit of a high-maintenance dude. there are so many specialists that we are supposed to go see over the next few months. i need to schedule all of the appointments. here's the docs we're seeing. prayers are appreciated. 

1. geneticist 

2. ENT

3. GI doctor 

4. endocrinologist 

5. opthamologist 

6. pulmonologist 

7. blood work up 

--if we had a test later, how many would you be able to name? the hubs could only list two.

i promise i am not a hypochondriac. CPS and our pediatrician have referred us to all these doctors. a bit overwhelming, if you ask me. when i worked in ECI (early childhood intervention), we dealt with lots of parents who were in the process of getting a diagnosis for their child. there was a mourning process for them once they got that diagnosis. a mourning for the hopes and dreams they had for their child, and the realization that the life the child would have might be different. it didn't mean they had to change the dreams for their child, but they would have to realize that there might be obstacles that they would have to face together.

so over the next few months, we will be meeting all of these fabulous doctors, and hopefully we'll get more information that can help us address any of the baby's needs.

please pray for us as we get all of this information, wait in waiting rooms, find childcare for the other children, and deal with each diagnosis as it comes.

unusual surprises are the best

hello peeps. how goes it? sorry my entries are sporadic. there are several reasons for this:

1. sometimes i have nothing nice to say, and my momma always said, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

2. the boys keep me busy

and

3. i haven't been doing anything new or exciting

but yesterday was wonderful, so i thought i'd post about our adventures before another week begins.

yesterday our plan of attack was to get up late, get all our junk together, and head out to our church's new playground to just get out and about for awhile. if i have an extra set of hands, i want OUT of the house. so the hubs needed pants hemmed, (since he's 6'5" and has to order pants from a catalog, they never come to our house ready-to-wear) we were planning on heading over to the alterations place and then heading back toward home and the playground. instead it took FOREVER for him to get his pants to the guy. instead of the kids and i waiting in the car, we visited a church playground across the street. (and SO glad i did, because little did we know it would take the hubs somewhere close to 45 minutes to get the guy to measure them.) the boys had so much fun. it was a gorgeous day outside, despite the pollen, and the playground was actually age-appropriate. (imagine that!)

since we were already on that side of town, the hubs went across the street and bought a pizza. we all sat down at the park and enjoyed our unhealthy lunch, then went house browsing. (i desperately want to move but it's not the time.) we had fun daydreaming about where we could live and where the kids would play. --really any house with a front yard that doesn't have a hill that leads to death and destruction would be a move up for us.

the best part? we returned home to put the kids down for nap and i got a pedicure. now my soul and my feet are happy!

nothing to worry about

so now that we've celebrated the wonderful news of monkey possibly being ours forever and ever amen, let's talk about the recent chaos.

for spring break, the hubs led a mission trip to mexico to work at an orphanage. while my hubbie was away, my mom came to help out. why? because she's awesome. and because she knew how hard it would be for me to take care of four children four and under by myself all week long. and i DO mean ALL...WEEK...LONG. she was amazing. a laundry wizard, and a dish-doin' fanatic. props, mama. mad props to yah.

well the hubs was supposed to return that saturday afternoon and relieve me of my "shift" (which really means i thought he'd feel horrible about leaving me all alone and offer to let me go get a pedicure while he watched the children) (i know. i'm delusional.)

-this is not what happened.

instead, the hubs came home only to badly hurt his back while i was in the ER with our sickly baby. there's nothing like getting a phone call from your husband while IN the hospital with a child, where he tells you he has help coming, but he's on the floor and can't move.

-um... i love you, babe, but what am i supposed to do with this information?

so he's in pretty bad shape and has been in bed for the two weeks since then. but you know what was a little funny? 3 grown adults hoisting a 6'5" man into bed by using belts strapped around him. kinda funny. come on, don't feel bad. you can laugh. the only good thing about him being stuck in bed is that he can easily feed the baby his bottle and do his breathing treatments while i care for the others. -which is not a small blessing at all.

but i don't think i have to tell the mamas out there what it's like to think help is coming, a break is in sight, and then the bottom falls out. you're stuck with no light at the end of the tunnel. that's what it was like. hubs comes home: yay! hubs gets hurt: suck a duck!

the following is to just let you know (in case you thought fostering is an easy task or that we are special, lovely people who love children and rainbows and ponies and everything is like fairy farts around here) that we are struggling: on monday i lost it. i mean lock-yourself-in-the-bathroom-and-cry-yourself-to-sleep kind of lost it. it was bad. no one was harmed in the making of this mental breakdown, but it wasn't pretty. we called the case manager to put in our 30 days notice to send the 2 new boys to another home. this was so hard for us, since i have a sincere issue with sending kids away when the going gets rough. you can't send away bio kids, so we shouldn't have the choice to send away foster children either. but we were past our breaking point.

we discussed the possibilities with our case manager: hiring a live-in nanny to help me, the hubs could drop a class to be home more, move the baby to a medically fragile home so he could get healthy and then move him back to us, move both boys to a new home where they can get more individual care.

--we decided to wait a few days and reassess/pray during this time.

well we are NOT putting in our 30 days notice. we had such a peace in saying yes to these children, surely God is going to see us through when it's at its worst. and at the end of it all, we will have an amazing testimony of how God did it even when we thought we couldn't. it's our job as parents not only to see children as they are, but also to see what they can be. God does that with us all the time. so instead of seeing the baby as a little sickly guy who needs constant care and concern and medical attention, we will choose to see a godly man in the making. a man who has overcome all odds because God has a plan for him. instead of a defiant, obstinate toddler, we will choose to see a man who will someday use his unique abilities to be a leader among men for God.

we took practical steps to ensure that we can improve the way we care for them so they can stay and we will not lose our minds (at least not as often). we have made an emergency list of people to call in case the baby has to go into the hospital again. we have hired a part time nanny who will help out with our day-to-day routine. (--which i am pretty much ecstatic about,) and the hubs only has 3 more weeks of school left, so that'll be yet another thing to check off the list.

God has provided for us yet again. it does not go unnoticed. He has blessed us beyond measure, so that we can bless these little men.

as i sat in our bed last night, all the kids asleep, the hubs snoring loudly, and the knowledge that a nanny starts monday, i realized.. i have nothing to worry about. ;)